A Solution For Rapid Ejaculators!
Start by masturbating, in the presence of your partner.
Indeed, your partner can pleasure you if she is willing to participate in the “therapy”.
If she is pleasuring you, you will need to indicate to her when you are approaching the point of no return.
But whether it is you or her doing it, close your eyes and focus on your bodily experience. Slow down or stop if you are getting too aroused and too near the point of ejaculation. This way, you won’t experience a rapid ejaculation.
Stop before you get too aroused.
When you feel that your progress towards orgasm and ejaculation has leveled off and your level of arousal has diminished, you can start to apply stimulation once again.
Repeat the sequence of stimulation to below the point of no return and then stopping stimulation three times. Each time, you need to pause for a minute, or longer, so that your arousal drops and you are in no “danger” of ejaculating before you start stimulating yourself again.
On the fourth cycle, continue till you reach climax, making sure you observe the sensations in your body so that you learn to identify the feelings associated with an impending ejaculation.
Over the next two weeks, repeat this exercise at least three times, either with your partner or alone.
If you apply some clear effort and intention to this, you should find that you can control your ejaculation and your stamina increases quite quickly. You may find you can last a lot longer in bed quite easily.
The next step is to control the rate at which you move towards climax.
By varying the degree of self-stimulation you will find that you can easily control this, and you can develop tolerance of much greater stimulation before ejaculation becomes inevitable. Now, this requires some self-discipline. I’ve worked with men for a long time, and I know that the energy required to resists the pleasure of orgasm is considerable. It requires clear warrior energy – the ability to set internal boundaries as well as external boundaries. (And when I refer to internal boundaries, I am speaking of the kind of mental and emotional discipline required to say NO! to the urge to ejaculate, or use porn, or any other practice which is fundamentally unhelpful to you as an individual.) Many men lack Warrior energy because they simply were not brought up in a way that allowed them to embody their masculinity fully. If you feel that some help and guidance in this area might assist you in creating greater self-discipline, this book is a very useful handbook to stepping into your masculinity and becoming the man you can be (and perhaps, as the author says, were always meant to be!)
This new found control will form the basis of your ability to control premature ejaculation and last longer during intercourse.
You will probably develop the ability to keep yourself on the verge of climax for prolonged periods quite quickly.
Practice this regularly over the next three weeks to reinforce this skill.
Continued below the video.
Sidebar: Video on premature ejaculation
The next step is to stimulate your penis in a way that feels like you are making love to your partner, while still maintaining this level of control.
You can do this by using a lubricant and getting your partner to stimulate you using her cupped hand around the shaft and head of your penis.
Although it maybe much more sensuous, by following the same routine as described above, you will again quickly develop a level of control over your ejaculation far greater than you had before.
The next step is to enjoy entering your partner while still maintaining control over your arousal.
This is done while you lie on your back and your partner goes on top. You may work up gradually to full intercourse, perhaps starting by gently rubbing your bodies together or by just enjoying lovemaking with shallow penetration…. that should help you last longer in bed. lovemaking.
Greater Control and Endurance
At all times, the objective is to remain in control of your arousal: if it begins to increase too rapidly, focus on your bodily sensations or withdraw from your partner altogether until (1) you are less aroused and (2) you feel you have your arousal and level of sexual excitement back under control.
Once you are making love, move inside your partner gently or ask her to move on you in a gentle way so that you do not become too stimulated.
If your arousal begins to shoot up, stop moving or withdraw form her vagina until your arousal is back under control.
This process should enable you to counter premature ejaculation and learn how to enjoy intimacy for longer periods before you feel the urge to ejaculate.
After practicing for six months, one man who worked with me on learning to last for longer periods during intercourse increased his control from two minutes to last for sixteen minutes.
Another man, who had been able to last for ten minutes now lasted, so he said, on average twenty minutes.
So, I’d conclude that if you are motivated and determined to control your premature ejaculation, you can do so without too much difficulty.
Both men and women may like longer lasting sex!
If you’re a man and you think “No, it isn’t like that, I don’t have any control”, ask yourself if you have ever fantasized about giving a woman a wonderful orgasm as you were totally dominating her!
Yes? We men are – at least to some extent – culturally conditioned to think of ourselves as responsible for a woman’s pleasure.
So how’s the poor guy with premature ejaculation going to get out of this trap?
Answer: she takes responsibility for her own pleasure by consciously asking him to satisfy her, or by doing it herself…. and he stops feeling he has to please her.
Now, just for a moment let’s go back to a couple where the woman loves reaching her climax by means of foreplay and he gets his pleasure from reaching orgasm while he’s inside her, even if that happens quite quickly.
Great for some couples, I have no doubt.
But….some women could achieve climax if their man had enough staying power (i.e he could last and last before he came….).
And to make a woman come like this often takes fifteen or twenty minutes of lovemaking, and a fairly vigorous level of sexual activity, so the reality is most men enjoy their climax long before the woman gets to hers.
So does this mean the man’s at fault if she couldcome during intercourse but doesn’t make it to orgasm?
If you think the man has a natural role to play in intercourse – satisfying a woman – then I suppose he is, even if by any other standard he’s a pretty good lover.
One answer for a couple like this is to get some training in Tantric techniques, so they can work towards the pleasures of long lasting sex.
But for most couples Tantra is irrelevant.
Rapid ejaculation is a problem mostly for men who lack confidence and for men whose self-esteem is not supported by their relationship.
For them, the solution might involve finding ways to feel good about themselves, developing greater self-confidence, and using a treatment program supported by each other.
Sometimes one or other partner sabotages the program (“It’s boring”; “It just doesn’t work”; “It takes too much time”; and so on).
When that happens, I always wonder if they really want to change or if it’s less risky to be stuck where they are, feeling the same old feelings, and reinforcing how each of them feels about themselves and each other.
The Power Of Youth – Long May It Last!
Lastly, though, there’s the young man, horny as heck and very sexually inexperienced, who has premature ejaculation just because he’s getting his girl and it thrills him!
This is the curse of youth, though it’s compensated for by his ability to carry on making love for longer only a few minutes later as though nothing’s happened!
For this man, the answer is greater lovemaking experience and a steady partner who loves him, and who can help him learn and grow as a lover.
Finally, remember, a man worrying about his ejaculation may be missing the fact that it’s not really that much of a problem for his partner: which means he’s not listening to her.
He’s living with his own fears and doubts…. and with his own beliefs about what his partner wants, which he’s not checking out with her.
So have some hope, whether you are a man who ejaculates too soon or a woman in love with such a guy.
Premature ejaculation can be stopped – but doing so may involve taking a long, hard look at yourself and your relationship.