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Understanding A Lack Of Stamina In Bed


Men learn to get aroused by using pornography, where the focus is obviously external to themselves.

And often porn is so arousing that they don’t have any hope of controlling their sexual responses anyway. I’m not sure whether this is a factor in limited bedroom stamina, but I think there might be something in it.

What I do know to be true is the fact that during sex you actually have to pay attention to what’s happening between you and your partner, keeping your focus on how you feel and on how she’s responding to what you’re doing to her.

When you’re “in the moment” like this, sensing everything that is happening, you are much more aware of how aroused you are.

This means you have a much greater chance of being able to control your level of arousal – and hence your staying power – by changing what you’re doing with your partner – e.g. switching to something that actually turns you on less, until your arousal has leveled off, and you can continue without danger of ejaculating unexpectedly.

Now, suppose that you have a high level of resentment, frustration, or stress in your relationship: it makes sense that if you try making love it’s not going to be as successful as it would be if you were feeling emotionally close and intimate with your partner.

For one thing, you’re already feeling emotionally aroused and, as we’ve seen above, that will affect your sexual responses.

And for another, who would actually want to be making love to somebody with whom they feel angry? Doesn’t it follow that you might just come quite quickly because subconsciously you simply want the experience to be over with? (Could this be why so many men lack endurance in the bedroom?)

I suspect the same is true of men who have a deep-seated conflict with women or a deep-seated lack of trust in women – and I can tell you, once again from years of experience with hundreds of men, that those two things are extremely common.

There’s another factor at work here, which is the widespread belief that men should be able to have sex with any woman who seems to be willing. The truth is, as I learned when I used to run an advice line for adolescents, that the body never lies.

Young men who were not confident about sex, or who were not ready to have intercourse, or who had been seduced into sexual situations by an older partner when they really didn’t want to make love, all found that their erections would mysteriously disappear, even though they were turned on, at the point where intercourse is about to start.

I mean, the truth is this: they didn’t have the staying power or the ability to last longer in the bedroom because they didn’t want to be there… in short, they didn’t want to be having sex with the person concerned, and their penis made it impossible for it to happen.

I rather suspect the same thing happens to men later in life, but the way in which the mind makes its true feelings clear is by causing premature ejaculation. Then we seek an explanation for what looks like a lack of bedroom stamina and staying power. We go on a search for ways to increase staying power. For techniques which will show us how to last longer in bed….. and they may not work!

And finally of course there’s good old sexual performance anxiety, from which we’ve all suffered at times. The sexual pressure on men is considerable. Not just to go to bed with any willing woman, but also to take her to orgasm, to be responsible for her orgasm in fact, to last long enough in bed, and to show that they are sexually competent in every way.

No wonder men get anxious about sex! With that weight of responsibility on their shoulders who wouldn’t?

And anxiety from all these things can stimulate a man’s level of sexual arousal to the point where the threat to self-esteem if he gets it wrong is so great that he just feels anxious about making love.

Feeling anxious will cause a rapid ejaculation, which then reinforces his self-doubt and anxiety, setting up a vicious circle of negative expectation and quick ejaculation which can be quite hard to break – unless you have the right techniques and tools at your disposal.

A similar cause of anxiety is the worry about being able to satisfy a sexual partner. One of the ways that this can be dealt with is to give her an orgasm through oral pleasure or masturbation before intercourse begins.

Needless to say anything anything else that causes anxiety about sex, be it fear of sexually transmitted infections, fear of getting a woman pregnant, fear of losing your erection, and a million other things, can also cause rapid ejaculation – or at least they can be factors in its genesis.

Causes of Low Bedroom Endurance

If you’re a man struggling with premature ejaculation, you might be wondering what’s actually causing it.

Search the Internet, and you’ll quickly find lots of reasons put forward to explain the origin of poor male stamina, but while there is a lot of speculation, there aren’t many hard facts.

One thing we can say is that all cases of poor stamina and low endurance in the bedroom fall into one of two causes: psychological or emotional causes (aka psychogenic), and the physical causes (also known as organic).

To be quite honest, I think we can dismiss the physical causes of rapid ejaculation pretty quickly because although there’s been a lot of scientific research done on things like hypersensitivity of the penis, the truth is that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that rapid orgasm in men is caused by physical factors.

Video: The causes of premature ejaculation

To say that a man has a hypersensitive penis is fairly meaningless because it’s the brain that processes the nerve impulses from the penis. (Those nerve impulses cause a man’s sexual arousal to increase and they eventually trigger his ejaculatory reflex).

A man’s sexual arousal may rise too quickly, too high for him to contain his climax.

This is what happens to many men who experience poor staying power, low endurance and rapid ejaculation. But you can’t say this is happening because his penis is sending too many nerve impulses, or because the threshold of excitability of his nervous system is too low.

All you can say for certain is that his brain is causing him to get aroused too quickly and triggering his ejaculation reflex too soon!

(Although of course exactly what “too soon” means is another matter altogether. In evolutionary terms, rapid ejaculation is probably no bad thing; I mean, who wants to get killed by a predator when they are fucking! But nowadays it’s bad for the human female because she remains unsatisfied after intercourse.)

Even analyzing brain chemistry, and finding that men who ejaculate quickly have higher or lower levels of serotonin than men who do not means nothing.

What does masculinity mean to you?

When a man is emotionally aroused – i.e. excited, nervous, angry, or feeling any other high level of emotion – his nervous system is already on high alert even before he starts receiving sexual stimulation.

It’s no wonder that in such a situation a man who is anxious or angry or even just very excited tips over the point of ejaculatory inevitability too quickly.

Masturbation Style May Be Important

You could perhaps argue, as some experts have done, that premature ejaculation is a behavioral or learned response, for example in response to furtive and rapid masturbation as an adolescent.

This suggests that a boy can “train” his body to respond far too quickly to sexual stimulation – and he goes on responding that way as a man……

Sure, this seems like a plausible argument. For some men.

But for most men, there is an emotional factor controlling a man’s ejaculation speed (at least in part).

So learning how to last longer, in other words, discovering how to increase sexual endurance and develop greater staying power means learning how to cope with receiving high level (or high-intensity) sexual stimulation without “popping” too soon.

And to be quite honest, that is one of the easiest things of all about learning ejaculatory control.

Sidebar: One of the problems here is that men sometimes think they can learn how to last longer in bed with a pill or potion, a herbal remedy or a delay cream. The truth is that none of those things actually work.

Video – how to deal with PE


A large proportion of the pills and potions sold on the Internet contain no active ingredients of any kind whatsoever (shock horror!)…..

…. and even the ones which include anesthetic creams and lotions to spray onto the penis do not solve the root cause of the man’s rapid ejaculation.

For while anesthetic products may slow a man’s ejaculation down – although a lot of the men I’ve spoken to over the years tell me that this doesn’t happen anyway – the usual experience of men using such products is that they  feel absolutely nothing!

I mean, for the sake of a minute or two of extra intercourse, for such a slight increase in staying power, is it worth it?

Especially when you’ll most likely end up with a penis which is very sore and irritated because of the inflammation caused by the chemicals you’re putting on the most sensitive part of your body.

Psychological or emotional factors as a cause of rapid ejaculation

To start with, what I  mean by emotional or psychological factors are things like

  • anxiety about sex
  • anger towards your partner
  • a lack of confidence in bed
  • and perhaps shame or guilt about sex from childhood experiences
  • or furtive masturbation during adolescence!

These explain the majority of cases of PE.

Young men come quick! Their lack of staying power, their inability to last longer in bed, is almost certainly the result of a lack of endurance.

Most young men ejaculate rapidly when they begin to have sex because they’re so excited, they’re inexperienced, and they’re very nervous.

All of these things cause the nervous system to fire nerve impulses very rapidly; this plus high levels of sexual arousal, forms such a powerful force that the young man has little chance of controlling himself when he enters his partner.

I think most men will understand this!

What’s perhaps harder to grasp is the fact that any high intensity emotion causes the nervous system to be primed and overactive even before you begin to make love.

That’s why even a little stimulation can make a man lose control of his ejaculation and give the impression he has not staying power. With PE he shoots his load too quickly. He’s just getting too aroused, too quickly.

So what’s the difference between men who have good control of their ejaculatory responses and men who cannot last long enough in bed?

I suspect that men who know how to last longer in bed don’t have many hangups or inhibitions about sex. They’re confident in their own sexuality, they’re confident with women, and they have a real sense of being in control during lovemaking.

And the good news is any man – YOU – can learn to increase stamina and increase staying power so you can control the physical response of your body to sexual stimulation.

You can develop ways to make your sexual arousal increase more slowly and stay below the point at which you will inevitably ejaculate.

You can learn to be confident during sex, simply by learning the techniques that allow you to pleasure your partner successfully.

You can learn not to get so turned on during intercourse by using masturbation exercises to train your body to slow down its response to stimulation.

For example, by pausing when you get near the point of coming, and repeating this several times a session, several times a week, for several weeks,with a clear intention to slow down your sexual responses, you will quickly develop much greater staying power and much greater endurance in bed. This means you have the ability to stay below the point of ejaculatory inevitability (which is colloquially known as the point of no return).

Some men with PE don’t actually know they’re going to ejaculate until moments before it happens.

This lack of awareness is because they’re not tuned into their body and the sensations that it’s giving them.

One of the reasons for this is that they’ve never learned to pay attention to their body during sex – their focus is somewhere else. Perhaps on taxes or baseball, trying to distract themselves from the mounting sense of losing control yet again!

The Tao of Badass

If you’re not very successful with women, you might be looking for a way to improve your success rate and find out how to date and seduce women successfully.

It’s a sad fact that many men spend their lives trying to find the right formula for picking up women, not realizing that actually being a Badass with women is something to do with being a confident man, who’s comfortable in his own skin, not looking for external approval, and doesn’t need the affirmation of other men to know that he is indeed a Badass – a man who has all it takes to seduce women.

These are the things that make a man attractive to a woman – it isn’t about using stupid techniques or faking it till you make it – it’s about being genuine, but using a certain amount of psychology which has been demonstrated over and over again to attract women and to make men desirable.

This has been summarized in The Tao of Badass which will show you how you as a man can best approach a woman so that her interest is hooked and sustained until a relationship is able to form. Check out this review.

In other words, what I’m telling you is that the Tao of Badass – a program designed by Joshua Pelicer for men – is one of the best ways to find out how to date and seduce women successfully. It may not make you an alpha male, as the claims have it, but it will certainly help you to understand the dynamics of meeting women successfully, and getting to know them in a way that is powerful and attractive.

You see, a lot of men think that women like a man whose bulging musculature suggests that he’s been working out in the gym or he’s full of testosterone – but actually the truth of the matter is that a man needs to have two qualities to attract women: first of all he needs to be powerful, attractive and confident, and secondly he needs to be gentle, sustaining, emotionally supportive and loving.

These are two types of traits which come from different aspects of personality. What attracts a man to a woman varies according to what “mate choice mode” she’s in: she’d rather mate, as biological studies have demonstrated many times, with an alpha male – but then, when it comes to settling down in a relationship to raise kids, she’d much rather be with a man who is honest, trusting and loving.

So what this means is that to screw lots of women you can learn how to be a Badass, and you’ll get what you want, without a doubt – particularly in view of the effective and proven techniques in The Tao of Badass.

But if you want a long-term relationship as well, and you want to know how to really succeed with women, then you’re going to need to bring different qualities to a prospective mate, qualities which speak more of your suitability as a long-term partner for a woman.

Now all this may seem rather complicated, so it’s good job that it’s actually been explained in rather simple terms in the Tao of Badass – and I’ve written a review of this which is designed to help you understand exactly what you get when you buy this program.

You’ll learn about gender roles, you’ll learn about what attracts a woman, you’ll learn about the best opening pickup lines for a woman, and you’ll learn a whole lot more!

By the time you finish reading this program you’ll never feel unconfident picking up women because you will have transformed into the genuine article – a real Badass who is confident competent in the dating and mating field.

You surely want to read a lot more about this program, and there are plenty of places on the Internet where you can so so.

For example you can find a very comprehensive view of the Tao of Badass on my sites – and it WILL tell you all you need to know to be successful in dating!

Attraction and Repulsion

If you’re the kind of person who has a consistently negative outlook on life, you may well have noticed that the quality of your life is directly related to the kind of thoughts that you habitually engage in.

The same is true if you’re a person who likes to engage in what Eric Berne, founder of transactional analysis, described as psychological “games”.

In both cases, you’ve probably noticed that life is not as satisfying or fulfilling as you would like it to be, and you probably have a feeling of dissatisfaction which lies deep within your soul.

You may wonder, when you see happy people, or positive people, or people with a positive outlook and attitude on life, how they can be so unfailingly cheerful – you may even feel something that’s akin to contempt for them, because their worldview is so different your own.

And yet the interesting thing about these people, that is to say the ones who have an optimistic and positive outlook on life, is that they genuinely are happier than the majority of the human race. They generally also have more satisfying and fulfilling lives than the majority of the human race.

It’s a legitimate question to ask how people can achieve this state of mind, because for most of us it’s unusual (and perhaps slightly difficult to understand). It’s a positive emotional place.

Most people on this planet have a negative emotional life, full of stress, difficulty, worry, dissatisfaction and happiness.

But it is possible to have a different attitude to life – you see, the Laws of Attraction and Repulsion determine what enters your life. And the laws of attraction and repulsion are basically the Law of Attraction, the Law of Manifestation, and the Law of Co-creation.

What these say, in a nutshell, is that nobody except you is responsible for what is in your life.

Now, if you’re still in a victim position, you may well be still blaming your parents, your schoolteachers, your siblings, your family, society in general, or the unfairness of the world, for your misfortunes.

But are you able to see, even to the slightest degree, but the reality is rather different?

You, and you alone, are solely responsible for the manifestation of every single thing in your world. That includes the people in it, the prosperity (or not) that you experience, the quality of your relationships (and who you are in relationship with), the world around you as it impacts on you, and your state of mind (that is to say whether you’re essentially positive or negative).

This is a really radical idea for many people, because we are not brought up in  a society where people take responsibility for their own situation.

But I think most of us can probably grasp at some level that personal responsibility truly does rest with every individual on this planet.

It would be strange if God had made us in any other form, for he did make us in his own image, and he is all powerful, omnipotent and omnipresent. Which is why, if you are made in God’s image, you to have acknowledge at a deep level how responsible you are for creating the life you live.

I do not intend to sound blaming about this, because challenging the status quo is a very difficult thing for most people.

First of all you have to have a visceral sense of what it’s like to take responsibility for attracting good or bad, positive or negative things into your life.

By the way, at this point I should just mention that the concepts of good and bad and evil are purely human constructs – in terms of the universe at large, there is no distinction between good and bad and evil, and the result of this is that the universe can (and will) give you exactly what you ask for, or at least, it can (and will) give you exactly those things which represent the emotional tone of your most potent thoughts.

The Law of Attraction and You

The law of attraction will give you anything you want, but clearly it doesn’t work for everybody, otherwise we will be watching millions of people in the world benefiting from the publication of The Secret as a book and film in 2006 by Rhonda Byrne.

Clearly people can’t manifest what they want easily, or perhaps they don’t know how to, or they don’t put the effort in.

An echo of what I said a few moments ago can be found here: there is no clearer example of how people fail to take responsibility for their life than the fact that most people don’t have the slightest clue how to manifest positivity, get what they want, ensure their prosperity, or engage in relationships which satisfy them.

Now I don’t want to be a downer on the human condition, because I’m positive and optimistic about the prospects for anyone who does take responsibility.

What I’m saying here is very simple: if you feel that you want to change the quality of your life, particularly if you want to change specific aspects of it (such as your ability to last longer in bed, the quality of your relationship, or your capacity to improve the experience of sex you have with your partner, to increase your prosperity, the quality of your job, and remove the absence of satisfaction in your life), then it’s up to you to take responsibility and find a way to use the Law of Attraction so these things change.

I know that many of you out there reading this will instantly be saying “But I can’t”, while thinking of a whole panoply of reasons why you can’t expect to achieve success or get what you want.

But the truth matter is that if you look at prosperous people like Richard Branson or Bill Gates, they never expected to be poor – their expectation from day one was that they would be wealthy, and because they had this resolute expectation, wealth did indeed manifest, along with complete conviction and certainty in their lives.

So how do you translate the experience of people like Bill Gates and Richard Branson into your own life?

The first thing you have to do is to start by forming clear objectives around what you want to achieve – and these can be anything, literally anything.

But here’s the catch: you really have to believe that your objective is possible for you.

No matter if it’s possible for somebody else! It has to be possible for YOU!

Yes, you have to believe that it’s possible for you. If you don’t believe this, then you don’t stand the slightest chance of manifesting it in your life.

Having formed a belief about what you can achieve, you then need to picture an image of how exactly your goal is  going to manifest in your life, and you have to do this in great detail.

That way, you can use that image as a mental template for the manifestation of something physical in the world.

And then you have to take some kind of action – I’ve heard it said that you have to take massive irreversible action, burn your bridges and commit totally to a new course of action.

But this is not so. What you have to do is commit to taking small steps that move you in the general direction of your goal or objective.

If you do these things, then the manifestation of something different for you is absolutely unquestionable and certain.

To be completely in control of your own life is an attractive prospect, isn’t it? 

So if you want that pleasure, the way you can do it is by finding out all about the law of attraction. And then using it…..

Manifestation and The Law Of Attraction

It’s rather old hat, it seems to me, writing about manifestation and Law of Attraction… But I’m not going to let that stop me! LOL!

You see there’s something important here which most people don’t realize.

 The Law of Attraction and sexual success are intimately linked.

Now you might be thinking “what on earth does that mean”!

And yes, if you were saying that, then I’d be thinking “Yep, I get that it’s a very odd thing to connect together!!”

But think about it this way: every single thing we do is powered by the subconscious mind, including the more esoteric way in which we can connect with the universe beyond our physical senses.

You’ve probably heard of things like ESP (extrasensory perception) or telepathy, and if you accept those as a real phenomenon, then I’d like you to consider for a moment what the difference might be between those phenomena and the ability of the subconscious mind to influence your physical behaviour and specifically your physical behaviour in relationship to sexuality.

Of course they are two different areas of human experience, but to the extent that they both control by the subconscious mind there’s no reason to think that you will be able to perform one phenomenon (psychic events) and not the other (affecting your sexual behaviour and sexual expression).

Think about this for a minute. I promise you, no matter how long you think about it, you can come up to the same conclusion – which is that although the phenomena might appear to be different, that if you can do one there’s no reason to assume you can’t do the other.

Sure, some people might argue it’s a logical falsehood – but arguing that it’s a logical falsehood doesn’t disprove it’s true.

So I will take as a starting point of my argument the fact that physical expression of sexuality is under the control subconscious mind, and if it’s under the control of the subconscious mind then it’s actually under your control. After all, is your mind with talking about!

So what aspects of sexuality come from deep down in the subconscious? The answer is just about everything.

I’d say that ejaculation control is the prime example of this, but even more fundamental sexual expression such as the ability to reach orgasm (more important for women, perhaps) and the power of the emotional experience you feel at the moment of orgasm (important for both men and women) are merely different aspects of the same energetic flow.

And of course you can extend this argument a stage further and suggest that premature ejaculation is actually some kind of misdirected energy flow. If so, then it’s certainly amenable to control in the same way as any other human behaviour  under the influence of the subconscious mind.

What this means in practice is that if you adopt the techniques used for manifestation using fundamental Law of Attraction principles, then you can probably control premature ejaculation very easily and MOST IMPORTANTLY very effectively. And what are those principles?

Well, first and foremost they involve setting objectives and goals – which in this case might be to make sex last 10 minutes, or perhaps 20, depending on your personal preferences.

After that, they are about finding some kind of mental image that encapsulates the essence of this goal and using it as a focus for your mind to direct the energy towards that objective.

Bear in mind that with every Law of Attraction exercise that you do there must be intense emotion, strong energy, high desire for a certain outcome, and commitment to achieving it.

Without those antecedents being met, you’re very unlikely to be successful in any kind of manifestation whether it be psychosexual, emotional or physical.

Have a look at this video, because it might help you to understand what I’m talking about.

There’s more information available freely on the Internet about controlling the energy flow that might be responsible for premature ejaculation.

For example, have a look at this, which explains how lovers can use acupressure points to control the energy flow during sexual interaction.

Other possible modalities that you could use to improve control of ejaculation include yoga and hypnosis as well as the visualization and manifestation techniques referred to above.

All in all this is a fascinating field, and there’s a great deal of information to assess to reach any half decent conclusion about exactly how the subconscious mind interacts with the mental and spiritual energies. (Here, I’m talking about energies such as our sexual energy… and the higher orders of energetic transformation, such as how the subconscious mine interacts with phenomenon such as telepathy and extrasensory perception.)

But there is no doubt that all of these phenomena are related in some way, and there is also no doubt that this energetic “control” is one of the main principles of manifestation using Law of Attraction principles.

It follows, therefore, that if you can master this principle, you’ll be able to manifest not only what you want in terms of physical forms,but also you be able to influence the expression of almost any energetic flow for which you are responsible…….. an interesting thought indeed, particularly when it comes to the expression of the less desirable human traits such as premature ejaculation !

Last For As Long As You Want!

A Solution For Rapid Ejaculators!

Start by masturbating, in the presence of your partner.

Indeed, your partner can masturbate you if she is willing to participate in the therapy.

Desensitization for premature ejaculation
Desensitization treatment is an effective way of developing more bedroom stamina. 

If she is pleasuring you, you will need to indicate to her when you are approaching the point of no return.

But whether it is you or her doing it, close your eyes and focus on your experience so that you don’t experience a rapid ejaculation.

Stop before you get too aroused.

When you feel that your progress towards orgasm and ejaculation has leveled off and your level of arousal has diminished, you can start to apply stimulation once again.

Repeat the sequence of stimulation to below the point of no return and then stopping stimulation three times, each time pausing for a minute or longer so that your arousal drops and you are in no “danger” of ejaculating before you start stimulating yourself again.

On the fourth cycle, continue till you reach climax, making sure you observe the sensations in your body so that you learn to identify the feelings associated with an impending ejaculation.

Over the next two weeks, repeat this exercise at least three times, either with your partner or alone.

If you apply some clear effort and intention to this, you should find that you can control your ejaculation and your stamina increases quite quickly. You may find you can last a lot longer in bed quite easily.

The next step is to control the rate at which you move towards climax.

By varying the degree of self-stimulation you will find that you can easily control this, and you can develop tolerance of much greater stimulation before ejaculation becomes inevitable.

This new found control will form the basis of your ability to control premature ejaculation and last longer during intercourse.

You will probably develop the ability to keep yourself on the verge of climax for prolonged periods quite quickly.

Practice this regularly over the next three weeks to reinforce this skill.

Continued below the video.

Sidebar: Video on premature ejaculation

The next step is to stimulate your penis in a way that feels like you are making love to your partner, while still maintaining this level of control.

You can do this by using a lubricant and getting your partner to stimulate you using her cupped hand around the shaft and head of your penis.

Although it maybe much more sensuous, by following the same routine as described above, you will again quickly develop a level of control over your ejaculation far greater than you had before.

The next step is to enjoy entering your partner while still maintaining control over your arousal.

This is done while you lie on your back and your partner goes on top. You may work up gradually to full intercourse, perhaps starting by gently rubbing your bodies together or by just enjoying lovemaking with shallow penetration…. that should help you last longer in bed. lovemaking.

Greater Control and Endurance 

At all times, the objective is to remain in control of your arousal: if it begins to increase too rapidly, focus on your bodily sensations or withdraw from your partner altogether until (1) you are less aroused  and (2) you feel you have your arousal and level of sexual excitement back under control.

Once you are making love, move inside your partner gently or ask her to move on you in a gentle way so that you do not become too stimulated.

If your arousal begins to shoot up,  stop moving or withdraw form her vagina until your arousal is back under control.

This process should enable you to counter premature ejaculation and learn how to enjoy intimacy for longer periods before you feel the urge to ejaculate.

After practicing for six months, one man who worked with me on learning to last for longer periods during intercourse increased his control from two minutes to last for sixteen minutes.

Another man, who had been able to last for ten minutes now lasted, so he said, on average twenty minutes.

So, I’d conclude that if you are motivated and determined to control your premature ejaculation, you can do so without too much difficulty.

from-delayed-ejaculation-folder (9)longer lasting sex

Both men and women may like longer lasting sex!

“No! I just can’t last any longer!”

If you’re a man and you think “No, it isn’t like that, I don’t have any control”, ask yourself if you have ever fantasized about giving a woman a wonderful orgasm as you were totally dominating her!

Yes? We men are – at least to some extent – culturally conditioned to think of ourselves as responsible for a woman’s pleasure.

So how’s the poor guy with premature ejaculation going to get out of this trap?

Answer: she takes responsibility for her own pleasure by consciously asking him to satisfy her, or by doing it herself…. and he stops feeling he has to please her.

Now, just for a moment let’s go back to a couple where the woman loves reaching her climax by means of foreplay and he gets his pleasure from reaching orgasm while he’s inside her, even if that happens quite quickly.

Fitness equal sexual success?
Is sex a mutually rewarding experience for you?

Great for some couples, I have no doubt.

But….some women could achieve climax if their man had enough staying power (i.e he could last and last before he came….).

And to make a woman come like this often takes fifteen or twenty minutes of lovemaking, and a fairly vigorous level of sexual activity, so the reality is most men enjoy their climax long before the woman gets to hers.

So does this mean the man’s at fault if she couldcome during intercourse but doesn’t make it to orgasm?

If you think the man has a natural role to play in intercourse – satisfying a woman – then I suppose he is, even if by any other standard he’s a pretty good lover.

One answer for a couple like this is to get some training in Tantric techniques, so they can work towards the pleasures of long lasting sex.

But for most couples Tantra is irrelevant.

Rapid ejaculation is a problem mostly for men who lack confidence and for men whose self-esteem is not supported by their relationship.

For them, the solution might involve finding ways to feel good about themselves, developing greater self-confidence, and using a treatment program supported by each other.

Sometimes one or other partner sabotages the program (“It’s boring”; “It just doesn’t work”; “It takes too much time”; and so on).

When that happens, I always wonder if they really want to change or if it’s less risky to be stuck where they are, feeling the same old feelings, and reinforcing how each of them feels about themselves and each other.

The Power Of Youth –  Long May It Last!

Horny young men don't last long in bed
Young men may not last long because they are always horny in bed.

Lastly, though, there’s the young man, horny as heck and very sexually inexperienced, who has premature ejaculation just because he’s getting his girl and it thrills him!

This is the curse of youth, though it’s compensated for by his ability to carry on making love for longer only a few minutes later as though nothing’s happened!

For this man, the answer is greater lovemaking experience and a steady partner who loves him, and who can help him learn and grow as a lover.

Finally, remember, a man worrying about his ejaculation may be missing the fact that it’s not really that much of a problem for his partner: which means he’s not listening to her.

He’s living with his own fears and doubts…. and with his own beliefs about what his partner wants, which he’s not checking out with her.

So have some hope, whether you are a man who ejaculates too soon or a woman in love with such a guy.

Premature ejaculation can be stopped – but doing so may involve taking a long, hard look at yourself and your relationship.