Category Archives: how to prolong intercourse

How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation


The original treatment for controlling premature ejaculation was developed in 1955 by Dr. James Semans. It’s based on stopping and starting sexual stimulation in a graded way, so that a man is exposed gradually increasing levels of sexual stimulation. As his tolerance for prolonged duration of sexual stimulation increases, so does his degree of control over ejaculation.

Video – stop start technique

The idea is that he controls his arousal at each stage of this process so that he learns to cope with incremental increases in sexual stimulation without becoming more aroused. It’s a very effective technique provided that it’s used rigorously and practice is maintained.

The man receives stimulation from his partner until he feels he is getting near to the point of ejaculatory inevitability. Stimulation stops at that point until the man feels that his arousal has dropped.

It then begins again, and the process is repeated a number of times until he becomes much more accustomed to receiving stimulation without getting over aroused. It’s possible to do this oneself without a partner using masturbation and stopping when you’re about to reach orgasm. You can then use a similar approach to extending the length of sex in bed with your partner. 

Does The Stop-Start Technique For Stopping Premature Ejaculation Actually Work?

Developed by Dr James Semans, and long regarded as a good way to control ejaculation, things have changed.  There’s lately been been some debate about whether or not the stop start technique for controlling premature ejaculation is actually any good or not.

Semans really was a pioneer way ahead of his time, and developed a treatment method for premature ejaculation that no-one had heard of before.

He said that most men were scared of the fact that premature ejaculation might be psychological, and tended to see a doctor to get a physical cure. However, as he observed, women were dissatisfied with sex where men came so quickly. (So much so that a definition of premature ejaculation might be that the man “ejaculated before the woman had reached orgasm”.)

Now, in response to this demand for greater control in men and better sex for women, Semans was to develop a treatment method that was basically all about encouraging men to learn how to tolerate sexual stimulation without ejaculating.

And the way he did this was what we know as the “stop-start technique”. Starting with masturbation, a man would stimulate himself to the point where he was about to ejaculate, and then he would stop stimulating himself and wait until his arousal had dropped.

Now you all know this point, it’s called the “point of no return”, or the “point of ejaculatory inevitability“, and the sensations that build up at this point are unmistakable and very well known to every man who’s ever masturbated or had sex.

These feeling serve as a good indication of the fact that ejaculation is about to happen. So stimulation is stopped at this point, and according to Seman’s treatment protocol the man waits until the sensations in his penis and pelvis have decreased and he knows that he’s no longer on the verge of ejaculation.

This cycle is repeated as many times as may be necessary during masturbation to allow the man to develop greater tolerance of sexual stimulation.

As Semans put it, this was the mechanism of prolonging the ejaculation reflex. Now the man’s erection might or might not soften, but that’s irrelevant, because stimulation of the penis will always bring it back to full hardness. It’s the interruption of stimulation, the pause, and the resumption, that allows a man to receive sexual stimulation without ejaculating too quickly.

Naturally enough, the treatment protocol moves from masturbation by the man, to masturbation by the partner, to sexual intercourse as it develops. This requires the full co-operation of the man’s sexual partner. 

So the idea was that in stage two, the woman would masturbate the man until he told her that he was about to ejaculate, and at this point she would remove her hand and stop stimulating him. The process was repeated over and over many times, until in the final sequence or cycle of stimulation man was allowed to ejaculate.

In addition, the couple went through a progressive series of exercises, starting with a dry hand, and finishing with ample slippery lubricant which mirrored the environment of the vagina.

When good control had been established during masturbation, the man and woman would use the same process during intercourse – stimulation to the point of ejaculation, then pausing, then continuing to make love.

Semans claimed that it was possible for a man to be so tolerant of sexual stimulation that he was able to tolerate indefinite stimulation without ejaculation even when using lubricant. If that was transferable to sex, then the man would have marvelous ejaculatory control!

While this seems to be a very simple technique, Semans reported great success with it. Obviously one of the downsides is the interruption of sex during partner-masturbation and partner-intercourse. In the latter, the penis is withdrawn, and the man allows his arousal to drop before recommencing intercourse.

Finally, maybe one of the reasons Seman’s patients showed such dramatic improvements in length of their ejaculatory latency was that he was basically educating them in sexual techniques of which they were ignorant.

Does it work? Check that out here.

The Squeeze Technique As Treatment For PE

Video on the squeeze technique for PE

Interestingly enough, Masters’ and Johnson’s claimed a lot of success with their “squeeze technique” – but it’s not been so for other therapists trying it. Did they claimed a higher success rate than they actually achieved? (The essence is: squeeze the glans before ejaculation till the urge to ejaculate diminishes. Repeat as required. That’s simplified, and shortened, but that’s basically it.)

Maybe, but perhaps their success rate was down to their relationship with their patients – a long relationship, extensive and deeply committed.  

One of its advantages over the squeeze technique is the latter involves firm pressure being applied to the base of the penile glans between the frenulum and the coronal ridge on the opposite side. This id done at the point where the man becomes aware of the sensations of emission.

This certainly reduces his sexual arousal, and often causes his erection to decrease in rigidity, thereby moving his sexual arousal back down to a lower level. That way he can continue with sexual activity for longer, but it’s sometimes uncomfortable. Also, it is certainly disrupting to intimacy between the partners. And the stop start technique is more amenable to incorporation into sexual play than the squeeze technique.

Personal Experience With This Premature Ejaculation Cure

Ian Kerner is a certified clinical sexologist who has written about his own experience of learning to control his ejaculation. He says that it was the stop-start method that finally smashed his relationship into pieces (though his girlfriend at the time does not sound like a particularly accommodating woman).

According to his account, with so much stopping and rather less starting, she finally lost patience, shouted “Are we having sex or parking the car?” and stormed out of the room! She gave him an ultimatum that he had to have his sexual performance figured out, his premature ejaculation cured, by the time she got back from a business trip. And then he went into a place of feeling like a little boy incapable of controlling his bodily functions.

This does remind us that part of the problem with premature ejaculation is psychological. The shadow of emotional wounds with women during childhood – mother, sisters, other family members – can impact a little boy for life. He may, as an adult, develop shadow energies around women which continue to play out in adulthood. This is a complex area, but you may find this book helps to explain the idea of shadow. You can also buy the book in the USA – the book is  about the shadow, human psychology and emotional healing. 

Kerner says, in fact, that he considered PE his “tragic downfall”. With more experience and knowledge, of course, Kerner soon discovered that he’s actually one of a vast body of men who have little ability to overcome premature ejaculation, and who are looking for a cure.

He says as many as 30% of men suffer from this particular sexual dysfunction. However, that 30% figure is based on self-reporting.  But premature ejaculation may actually be “natural”. It does make sense from the point of view of evolution that the fastest ejaculating males would be a more likely to succeed in fertilizing a female. For one thing they’d be safer from predators than those who required a prolonged session of mating before they ejaculated.

If PE is not in fact a sexual dysfunction, but a completely normal way of functioning based on normal human physiology, perhaps the term “premature ejaculation” could be replaced by another such as “naturally fast ejaculation”.

Kerner’s personal story was all about how he tried to deal with PE in the usual ways: masturbating before dates, using alcohol, and donning two condoms. He even talks about distracting himself, which is possibly the most classic and the most useless way of controlling your ejaculation. Thinking about corpses during sex does not make for a pleasant experience! He even tried herbal medicines and a dab of cocaine on the tip of his penis, but those strategies did not work either.

After the ultimatum from his girlfriend, Kerner says that he tried to find a cure using biofeedback, self hypnosis and “masturbation training” from a specialist.  Needless to say, of course, he’d achieved no greater control by the time he went to bed with her after the business trip.

In fact, he must have been very nervous because he spontaneously ejaculated before he’d even achieved penetration. His final – and successful – attempt to find a premature ejaculation treatment that worked was with the help of a sex therapist who enabled him to achieve much longer lasting intercourse by using the techniques of behavioral therapy.


Last A Lot Longer In Bed!

A Solution For Rapid Ejaculators!

Start by masturbating, in the presence of your partner.

Indeed, your partner can pleasure you if she is willing to participate in the “therapy”.

If she is pleasuring you, you will need to indicate to her when you are approaching the point of no return.

But whether it is you or her doing it, close your eyes and focus on your bodily experience. Slow down or stop if you are getting too aroused and too near the point of ejaculation. This way, you won’t experience a rapid ejaculation.

Stop before you get too aroused.

When you feel that your progress towards orgasm and ejaculation has leveled off and your level of arousal has diminished, you can start to apply stimulation once again.

Repeat the sequence of stimulation to below the point of no return and then stopping stimulation three times. Each time, you need to pause for a minute, or longer, so that your arousal drops and you are in no “danger” of ejaculating before you start stimulating yourself again.

On the fourth cycle, continue till you reach climax, making sure you observe the sensations in your body so that you learn to identify the feelings associated with an impending ejaculation.

Over the next two weeks, repeat this exercise at least three times, either with your partner or alone.

If you apply some clear effort and intention to this, you should find that you can control your ejaculation and your stamina increases quite quickly. You may find you can last a lot longer in bed quite easily.

The next step is to control the rate at which you move towards climax.

By varying the degree of self-stimulation you will find that you can easily control this, and you can develop tolerance of much greater stimulation before ejaculation becomes inevitable. Now, this requires some self-discipline. I’ve worked with men for a long time, and I know that the energy required to resists the pleasure of orgasm is considerable. It requires clear warrior energy – the ability to set internal boundaries as well as external boundaries. (And when I refer to internal boundaries, I am speaking of the kind of mental and emotional discipline required to say NO! to the urge to ejaculate, or use porn, or any other practice which is fundamentally unhelpful to you as an individual.) Many men lack Warrior energy because they simply were not brought up in a way that allowed them to embody their masculinity fully. If you feel that some help and guidance in this area might assist you in creating greater self-discipline, this book is a very useful handbook to stepping into your masculinity and becoming the man you can be (and perhaps, as the author says, were always meant to be!)

This new found control will form the basis of your ability to control premature ejaculation and last longer during intercourse.

You will probably develop the ability to keep yourself on the verge of climax for prolonged periods quite quickly.

Practice this regularly over the next three weeks to reinforce this skill.

Continued below the video.

Sidebar: Video on premature ejaculation

The next step is to stimulate your penis in a way that feels like you are making love to your partner, while still maintaining this level of control.

You can do this by using a lubricant and getting your partner to stimulate you using her cupped hand around the shaft and head of your penis.

Although it maybe much more sensuous, by following the same routine as described above, you will again quickly develop a level of control over your ejaculation far greater than you had before.

The next step is to enjoy entering your partner while still maintaining control over your arousal.

This is done while you lie on your back and your partner goes on top. You may work up gradually to full intercourse, perhaps starting by gently rubbing your bodies together or by just enjoying lovemaking with shallow penetration…. that should help you last longer in bed. lovemaking.

Greater Control and Endurance 

At all times, the objective is to remain in control of your arousal: if it begins to increase too rapidly, focus on your bodily sensations or withdraw from your partner altogether until (1) you are less aroused  and (2) you feel you have your arousal and level of sexual excitement back under control.

Once you are making love, move inside your partner gently or ask her to move on you in a gentle way so that you do not become too stimulated.

If your arousal begins to shoot up,  stop moving or withdraw form her vagina until your arousal is back under control.

This process should enable you to counter premature ejaculation and learn how to enjoy intimacy for longer periods before you feel the urge to ejaculate.

After practicing for six months, one man who worked with me on learning to last for longer periods during intercourse increased his control from two minutes to last for sixteen minutes.

Another man, who had been able to last for ten minutes now lasted, so he said, on average twenty minutes.

So, I’d conclude that if you are motivated and determined to control your premature ejaculation, you can do so without too much difficulty.

Both men and women may like longer lasting sex!

Read some scientific research here.

If you’re a man and you think “No, it isn’t like that, I don’t have any control”, ask yourself if you have ever fantasized about giving a woman a wonderful orgasm as you were totally dominating her!

Yes? We men are – at least to some extent – culturally conditioned to think of ourselves as responsible for a woman’s pleasure.

So how’s the poor guy with premature ejaculation going to get out of this trap?

Answer: she takes responsibility for her own pleasure by consciously asking him to satisfy her, or by doing it herself…. and he stops feeling he has to please her.

Now, just for a moment let’s go back to a couple where the woman loves reaching her climax by means of foreplay and he gets his pleasure from reaching orgasm while he’s inside her, even if that happens quite quickly.

Fitness equal sexual success?
Is sex a mutually rewarding experience for you?

Great for some couples, I have no doubt.

But….some women could achieve climax if their man had enough staying power (i.e he could last and last before he came….).

And to make a woman come like this often takes fifteen or twenty minutes of lovemaking, and a fairly vigorous level of sexual activity, so the reality is most men enjoy their climax long before the woman gets to hers.

So does this mean the man’s at fault if she couldcome during intercourse but doesn’t make it to orgasm?

If you think the man has a natural role to play in intercourse – satisfying a woman – then I suppose he is, even if by any other standard he’s a pretty good lover.

One answer for a couple like this is to get some training in Tantric techniques, so they can work towards the pleasures of long lasting sex.

But for most couples Tantra is irrelevant.

Rapid ejaculation is a problem mostly for men who lack confidence and for men whose self-esteem is not supported by their relationship.

For them, the solution might involve finding ways to feel good about themselves, developing greater self-confidence, and using a treatment program supported by each other.

Sometimes one or other partner sabotages the program (“It’s boring”; “It just doesn’t work”; “It takes too much time”; and so on).

When that happens, I always wonder if they really want to change or if it’s less risky to be stuck where they are, feeling the same old feelings, and reinforcing how each of them feels about themselves and each other.

The Power Of Youth –  Long May It Last!

Lastly, though, there’s the young man, horny as heck and very sexually inexperienced, who has premature ejaculation just because he’s getting his girl and it thrills him!

This is the curse of youth, though it’s compensated for by his ability to carry on making love for longer only a few minutes later as though nothing’s happened!

For this man, the answer is greater lovemaking experience and a steady partner who loves him, and who can help him learn and grow as a lover.

Finally, remember, a man worrying about his ejaculation may be missing the fact that it’s not really that much of a problem for his partner: which means he’s not listening to her.

He’s living with his own fears and doubts…. and with his own beliefs about what his partner wants, which he’s not checking out with her.

So have some hope, whether you are a man who ejaculates too soon or a woman in love with such a guy.

Premature ejaculation can be stopped – but doing so may involve taking a long, hard look at yourself and your relationship.

Understanding A Lack Of Stamina In Bed


Men learn to get aroused by using pornography, where the focus is obviously external to themselves.

And often porn is so arousing that they don’t have any hope of controlling their sexual responses anyway. I’m not sure whether this is a factor in limited bedroom stamina, but I think there might be something in it.

What I do know to be true is the fact that during sex you actually have to pay attention to what’s happening between you and your partner, keeping your focus on how you feel and on how she’s responding to what you’re doing to her.

When you’re “in the moment” like this, sensing everything that is happening, you are much more aware of how aroused you are.

This means you have a much greater chance of being able to control your level of arousal – and hence your staying power – by changing what you’re doing with your partner – e.g. switching to something that actually turns you on less, until your arousal has leveled off, and you can continue without danger of ejaculating unexpectedly.

Now, suppose that you have a high level of resentment, frustration, or stress in your relationship: it makes sense that if you try making love it’s not going to be as successful as it would be if you were feeling emotionally close and intimate with your partner.

For one thing, you’re already feeling emotionally aroused and, as we’ve seen above, that will affect your sexual responses.

And for another, who would actually want to be making love to somebody with whom they feel angry? Doesn’t it follow that you might just come quite quickly because subconsciously you simply want the experience to be over with? (Could this be why so many men lack endurance in the bedroom?)

I suspect the same is true of men who have a deep-seated conflict with women or a deep-seated lack of trust in women – and I can tell you, once again from years of experience with hundreds of men, that those two things are extremely common.

There’s another factor at work here, which is the widespread belief that men should be able to have sex with any woman who seems to be willing. The truth is, as I learned when I used to run an advice line for adolescents, that the body never lies.

Young men who were not confident about sex, or who were not ready to have intercourse, or who had been seduced into sexual situations by an older partner when they really didn’t want to make love, all found that their erections would mysteriously disappear, even though they were turned on, at the point where intercourse is about to start.

I mean, the truth is this: they didn’t have the staying power or the ability to last longer in the bedroom because they didn’t want to be there… in short, they didn’t want to be having sex with the person concerned, and their penis made it impossible for it to happen.

I rather suspect the same thing happens to men later in life, but the way in which the mind makes its true feelings clear is by causing premature ejaculation. Then we seek an explanation for what looks like a lack of bedroom stamina and staying power. We go on a search for ways to increase staying power. For techniques which will show us how to last longer in bed….. and they may not work!

And finally of course there’s good old sexual performance anxiety, from which we’ve all suffered at times. The sexual pressure on men is considerable. Not just to go to bed with any willing woman, but also to take her to orgasm, to be responsible for her orgasm in fact, to last long enough in bed, and to show that they are sexually competent in every way.

No wonder men get anxious about sex! With that weight of responsibility on their shoulders who wouldn’t?

And anxiety from all these things can stimulate a man’s level of sexual arousal to the point where the threat to self-esteem if he gets it wrong is so great that he just feels anxious about making love.

Feeling anxious will cause a rapid ejaculation, which then reinforces his self-doubt and anxiety, setting up a vicious circle of negative expectation and quick ejaculation which can be quite hard to break – unless you have the right techniques and tools at your disposal.

A similar cause of anxiety is the worry about being able to satisfy a sexual partner. One of the ways that this can be dealt with is to give her an orgasm through oral pleasure or masturbation before intercourse begins.

Needless to say anything anything else that causes anxiety about sex, be it fear of sexually transmitted infections, fear of getting a woman pregnant, fear of losing your erection, and a million other things, can also cause rapid ejaculation – or at least they can be factors in its genesis.