THE BEST WAY TO ENJOY LOVEMAKING – FOCUSED ATTENTION!
Men learn to get aroused by using pornography, where the focus is obviously external to themselves.
And often porn is so arousing that they don’t have any hope of controlling their sexual responses anyway. I’m not sure whether this is a factor in limited bedroom stamina, but I think there might be something in it.
What I do know to be true is the fact that during sex you actually have to pay attention to what’s happening between you and your partner, keeping your focus on how you feel and on how she’s responding to what you’re doing to her.
When you’re “in the moment” like this, sensing everything that is happening, you are much more aware of how aroused you are.
This means you have a much greater chance of being able to control your level of arousal – and hence your staying power – by changing what you’re doing with your partner – e.g. switching to something that actually turns you on less, until your arousal has leveled off, and you can continue without danger of ejaculating unexpectedly.
Now, suppose that you have a high level of resentment, frustration, or stress in your relationship: it makes sense that if you try making love it’s not going to be as successful as it would be if you were feeling emotionally close and intimate with your partner.
For one thing, you’re already feeling emotionally aroused and, as we’ve seen above, that will affect your sexual responses.
And for another, who would actually want to be making love to somebody with whom they feel angry? Doesn’t it follow that you might just come quite quickly because subconsciously you simply want the experience to be over with? (Could this be why so many men lack endurance in the bedroom?)
I suspect the same is true of men who have a deep-seated conflict with women or a deep-seated lack of trust in women – and I can tell you, once again from years of experience with hundreds of men, that those two things are extremely common.
There’s another factor at work here, which is the widespread belief that men should be able to have sex with any woman who seems to be willing. The truth is, as I learned when I used to run an advice line for adolescents, that the body never lies.
Young men who were not confident about sex, or who were not ready to have intercourse, or who had been seduced into sexual situations by an older partner when they really didn’t want to make love, all found that their erections would mysteriously disappear, even though they were turned on, at the point where intercourse is about to start.
I mean, the truth is this: they didn’t have the staying power or the ability to last longer in the bedroom because they didn’t want to be there… in short, they didn’t want to be having sex with the person concerned, and their penis made it impossible for it to happen.
I rather suspect the same thing happens to men later in life, but the way in which the mind makes its true feelings clear is by causing premature ejaculation. Then we seek an explanation for what looks like a lack of bedroom stamina and staying power. We go on a search for ways to increase staying power. For techniques which will show us how to last longer in bed….. and they may not work!
And finally of course there’s good old sexual performance anxiety, from which we’ve all suffered at times. The sexual pressure on men is considerable. Not just to go to bed with any willing woman, but also to take her to orgasm, to be responsible for her orgasm in fact, to last long enough in bed, and to show that they are sexually competent in every way.
No wonder men get anxious about sex! With that weight of responsibility on their shoulders who wouldn’t?
And anxiety from all these things can stimulate a man’s level of sexual arousal to the point where the threat to self-esteem if he gets it wrong is so great that he just feels anxious about making love.
Feeling anxious will cause a rapid ejaculation, which then reinforces his self-doubt and anxiety, setting up a vicious circle of negative expectation and quick ejaculation which can be quite hard to break – unless you have the right techniques and tools at your disposal.
A similar cause of anxiety is the worry about being able to satisfy a sexual partner. One of the ways that this can be dealt with is to give her an orgasm through oral pleasure or masturbation before intercourse begins.
Needless to say anything anything else that causes anxiety about sex, be it fear of sexually transmitted infections, fear of getting a woman pregnant, fear of losing your erection, and a million other things, can also cause rapid ejaculation – or at least they can be factors in its genesis.
If you’re a man struggling with premature ejaculation, you might be wondering what’s actually causing it.
Search the Internet, and you’ll quickly find lots of reasons put forward to explain the origin of poor male stamina, but while there is a lot of speculation, there aren’t many hard facts.
One thing we can say is that all cases of poor stamina and low endurance in the bedroom fall into one of two causes: psychological or emotional causes (aka psychogenic), and the physical causes (also known as organic).
To be quite honest, I think we can dismiss the physical causes of rapid ejaculation pretty quickly because although there’s been a lot of scientific research done on things like hypersensitivity of the penis, the truth is that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that rapid orgasm in men is caused by physical factors.
Video: The causes of premature ejaculation
To say that a man has a hypersensitive penis is fairly meaningless because it’s the brain that processes the nerve impulses from the penis. (Those nerve impulses cause a man’s sexual arousal to increase and they eventually trigger his ejaculatory reflex).
A man’s sexual arousal may rise too quickly, too high for him to contain his climax.
This is what happens to many men who experience poor staying power, low endurance and rapid ejaculation. But you can’t say this is happening because his penis is sending too many nerve impulses, or because the threshold of excitability of his nervous system is too low.
All you can say for certain is that his brain is causing him to get aroused too quickly and triggering his ejaculation reflex too soon!
(Although of course exactly what “too soon” means is another matter altogether. In evolutionary terms, rapid ejaculation is probably no bad thing; I mean, who wants to get killed by a predator when they are fucking! But nowadays it’s bad for the human female because she remains unsatisfied after intercourse.)
Even analyzing brain chemistry, and finding that men who ejaculate quickly have higher or lower levels of serotonin than men who do not means nothing.
What does masculinity mean to you?
When a man is emotionally aroused – i.e. excited, nervous, angry, or feeling any other high level of emotion – his nervous system is already on high alert even before he starts receiving sexual stimulation.
It’s no wonder that in such a situation a man who is anxious or angry or even just very excited tips over the point of ejaculatory inevitability too quickly.
Masturbation Style May Be Important
You could perhaps argue, as some experts have done, that premature ejaculation is a behavioral or learned response, for example in response to furtive and rapid masturbation as an adolescent.
This suggests that a boy can “train” his body to respond far too quickly to sexual stimulation – and he goes on responding that way as a man……
Sure, this seems like a plausible argument. For some men.
But for most men, there is an emotional factor controlling a man’s ejaculation speed (at least in part).
So learning how to last longer, in other words, discovering how to increase sexual endurance and develop greater staying power means learning how to cope with receiving high level (or high-intensity) sexual stimulation without “popping” too soon.
And to be quite honest, that is one of the easiest things of all about learning ejaculatory control.
Sidebar: One of the problems here is that men sometimes think they can learn how to last longer in bed with a pill or potion, a herbal remedy or a delay cream. The truth is that none of those things actually work.
Video – how to deal with PE
ENJOYING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
A large proportion of the pills and potions sold on the Internet contain no active ingredients of any kind whatsoever (shock horror!)…..
…. and even the ones which include anesthetic creams and lotions to spray onto the penis do not solve the root cause of the man’s rapid ejaculation.
For while anesthetic products may slow a man’s ejaculation down – although a lot of the men I’ve spoken to over the years tell me that this doesn’t happen anyway – the usual experience of men using such products is that they feel absolutely nothing!
I mean, for the sake of a minute or two of extra intercourse, for such a slight increase in staying power, is it worth it?
Especially when you’ll most likely end up with a penis which is very sore and irritated because of the inflammation caused by the chemicals you’re putting on the most sensitive part of your body.
Psychological or emotional factors as a cause of rapid ejaculation
To start with, what I mean by emotional or psychological factors are things like
anxiety about sex
anger towards your partner
a lack of confidence in bed
and perhaps shame or guilt about sex from childhood experiences
or furtive masturbation during adolescence!
These explain the majority of cases of PE.
Young men come quick! Their lack of staying power, their inability to last longer in bed, is almost certainly the result of a lack of endurance.
Most young men ejaculate rapidly when they begin to have sex because they’re so excited, they’re inexperienced, and they’re very nervous.
All of these things cause the nervous system to fire nerve impulses very rapidly; this plus high levels of sexual arousal, forms such a powerful force that the young man has little chance of controlling himself when he enters his partner.
I think most men will understand this!
What’s perhaps harder to grasp is the fact that any high intensity emotion causes the nervous system to be primed and overactive even before you begin to make love.
That’s why even a little stimulation can make a man lose control of his ejaculation and give the impression he has not staying power. With PE he shoots his load too quickly. He’s just getting too aroused, too quickly.
So what’s the difference between men who have good control of their ejaculatory responses and men who cannot last long enough in bed?
I suspect that men who know how to last longer in bed don’t have many hangups or inhibitions about sex. They’re confident in their own sexuality, they’re confident with women, and they have a real sense of being in control during lovemaking.
And the good news is any man – YOU – can learn to increase stamina and increase staying power so you can control the physical response of your body to sexual stimulation.
You can develop ways to make your sexual arousal increase more slowly and stay below the point at which you will inevitably ejaculate.
You can learn to be confident during sex, simply by learning the techniques that allow you to pleasure your partner successfully.
You can learn not to get so turned on during intercourse by using masturbation exercises to train your body to slow down its response to stimulation.
For example, by pausing when you get near the point of coming, and repeating this several times a session, several times a week, for several weeks,with a clear intention to slow down your sexual responses, you will quickly develop much greater staying power and much greater endurance in bed. This means you have the ability to stay below the point of ejaculatory inevitability (which is colloquially known as the point of no return).
Some men with PE don’t actually know they’re going to ejaculate until moments before it happens.
This lack of awareness is because they’re not tuned into their body and the sensations that it’s giving them.
One of the reasons for this is that they’ve never learned to pay attention to their body during sex – their focus is somewhere else. Perhaps on taxes or baseball, trying to distract themselves from the mounting sense of losing control yet again!
If you’re not very successful with women, you might be looking for a way to improve your success rate and find out how to date and seduce women successfully.
It’s a sad fact that many men spend their lives trying to find the right formula for picking up women, not realizing that actually being a Badass with women is something to do with being a confident man, who’s comfortable in his own skin, not looking for external approval, and doesn’t need the affirmation of other men to know that he is indeed a Badass – a man who has all it takes to seduce women.
These are the things that make a man attractive to a woman – it isn’t about using stupid techniques or faking it till you make it – it’s about being genuine, but using a certain amount of psychology which has been demonstrated over and over again to attract women and to make men desirable.
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In other words, what I’m telling you is that the Tao of Badass – a program designed by Joshua Pelicer for men – is one of the best ways to find out how to date and seduce women successfully. It may not make you an alpha male, as the claims have it, but it will certainly help you to understand the dynamics of meeting women successfully, and getting to know them in a way that is powerful and attractive.
You see, a lot of men think that women like a man whose bulging musculature suggests that he’s been working out in the gym or he’s full of testosterone – but actually the truth of the matter is that a man needs to have two qualities to attract women: first of all he needs to be powerful, attractive and confident, and secondly he needs to be gentle, sustaining, emotionally supportive and loving.
These are two types of traits which come from different aspects of personality. What attracts a man to a woman varies according to what “mate choice mode” she’s in: she’d rather mate, as biological studies have demonstrated many times, with an alpha male – but then, when it comes to settling down in a relationship to raise kids, she’d much rather be with a man who is honest, trusting and loving.
So what this means is that to screw lots of women you can learn how to be a Badass, and you’ll get what you want, without a doubt – particularly in view of the effective and proven techniques in The Tao of Badass.
But if you want a long-term relationship as well, and you want to know how to really succeed with women, then you’re going to need to bring different qualities to a prospective mate, qualities which speak more of your suitability as a long-term partner for a woman.
Now all this may seem rather complicated, so it’s good job that it’s actually been explained in rather simple terms in the Tao of Badass – and I’ve written a review of this which is designed to help you understand exactly what you get when you buy this program.
You’ll learn about gender roles, you’ll learn about what attracts a woman, you’ll learn about the best opening pickup lines for a woman, and you’ll learn a whole lot more!
By the time you finish reading this program you’ll never feel unconfident picking up women because you will have transformed into the genuine article – a real Badass who is confident competent in the dating and mating field.
You surely want to read a lot more about this program, and there are plenty of places on the Internet where you can so so.
For example you can find a very comprehensive view of the Tao of Badass on my sites – and it WILL tell you all you need to know to be successful in dating!
Explaining how men can increase their endurance and staying power when making love!