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Reducing Sexual Anxiety

Solve Erectile Dysfunction & Delayed Ejaculation With This Powerful Treatment

You and your partner can address either erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation together. This is not difficult, though it does  require dedication and patience, perhaps quite a lot of patience. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, and the treatment for full sexual health is one worth pursuing.

We start with some exercises designed to show you how enjoyable physical stimulation can be, as well as increase intimacy and connection with your partner. These exercises set you up to do the more specific work designed for erection problems.

Sensate Focus Exercises

You’re going to do each of these exercises at least once, and you move on to the next when you’re happy you’ve got as much out of the exercise as you can.

Make sure you and your partner know and understand what’s going to happen before you embark on the exercises.

As you can appreciate, it helps if you have a regular time each week to practice this work, when you will be free of stress, distractions, work and family worries.

Video – sensate focus

You aren’t going to “get it” all in one go, so don’t worry if things don’t go according to plan. If you can take the attitude that it’s a fun and light-hearted process, you’re much more likely to enjoy it. And, also, find that it’s successful in reducing the level of erectile dysfunction or delayed ejaculation problems that you have. Even better, your partner is more likely to enjoy it as well. Certainly if you feel stressed while you do the exercises, then you need to lighten up a bit and take it all less seriously.

Yes, erectile dysfunction is a serious problem, but it can be solved and this treatment can be fun if you relax into it. Your erection is only one aspect of sexual communication. This series of exercise, this self-help treatment, will help improve much of the rest of your sex life. It can reduce anxiety, get you and your partner to be more intimate, and begin to establish in your mind the understanding that you are not necessarily impotent for life.

It is important that you keep your attention on what’s happening, and not go off on some fantasy or other. Each time you begin to think about other things, bring your attention gently back to the process. 

This includes the moments when you begin to think about what you look like, whether your partner is enjoying it, what state of erection your penis is in, whether this treatment for erectile dysfunction will work, or indeed anything irrelevant, including what the cause of your delayed ejaculation issues might be!

When you find yourself drifting off on thoughts or fantasies, just remind yourself that you are focusing on your body. Take a deep breath to relax any tension or anxiety that may have developed. Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t think negatively: for example, if you think to yourself “don’t get nervous”, guess what will probably happen?

You do need to keep on doing this for as long as it takes to develop the skill of just being in the moment (or, at least, being more in the moment).

Should you have problems with a delay before you ejaculate, a problem that affects more than one man in ten, it’s well worth finding a holistic solution to the problem,  that you can come to enjoy sex more than you currently do. The point is that failure to ejaculate is an aversive experience which can put you off sex and make you lose your erection.

Step 1 – How You Can Relax

The first thing you have to do before you try sensate focus as a cure for erecile dysfunction (or delayed ejaculation) is to learn to relax. This may sound easy, but the truth is that the level of relaxation we’re talking about here is a lot deeper than the casual relaxation you might enjoy when you sit down after a hard day’s work to watch TV, say.

 This kind of deep relaxation takes a little time and effort to develop. Whatever method you use, you will start your sensate focus sessions by relaxing for fifteen minutes, and continue to use the relaxation techniques throughout the exercises that come later.

You can develop the art of relaxation through deep breathing. There are several methods you can use:

Method 1

Lie down on the bed, on your back, and breath slowly and deeply. If you wish, you can place your hands on your abdomen as you breath: deep abdominal breathing can be far more relaxing than shallow chest breathing: you can feel your diaphragm rising and falling with your hand.

Each time you breath out, relax more and more. Focus on your breathing. Each time you become aware that your attention has wandered, gently bring it back to your breathing, with a gentle reminder to yourself that the purpose of what you are doing is to be in the moment.

Focus your attention briefly on the places in your body where you feel tension, and feel them relax as you become aware of them. Keep practicing for fifteen minutes or so, until you feel more relaxed.

Method 2

This is the exercise I personally used when I cured my own erectile dysfunction, and it’s the one I recommend to clients.

Lie chest to back on your sides with your partner on the bed in the spoons position. You’re both facing the same way, so you can tuck yourselves together. You can start either way round, and swap later on. The idea of the exercise is to synchronize your breathing.

You both breath in and out together, slowly and calmly. One of you leads, and the other follows, sensing the time to breath in and the time to breath out by feeling the movement of your partner’s body alongside you. If you allow yourself to give up thinking and focus on the breathing, you’ll find this is a wonderfully relaxing and calming technique that allows you to develop great feelings of intimacy and closeness to your partner.

After you’ve spent five or ten minutes breathing one way, move over so the other person is in front and repeat the exercise.

You may find that you get aroused while you do this. In which case, try and focus more on the breathing rather than on the body of your partner. And don’t indulge in any sexual fantasy!

Method 3 Reducing your anxiety about sexual situations

You probably know all about the sexual situations which cause you anxiety. You can use these relaxation techniques to make them seem less threatening or to reduce your anxiety while you are in them in real life.

The way to do this is to associate some relaxing image that you find tranquil and calming with your physical state of relaxation. Later, when you are in the anxiety producing situation, you can bring the relaxing scene to mind and you will find your anxiety levels reduce immediately.

Start by thinking of an image that you will find relaxing. It could be a place, a person or an object, or indeed anything at all that you find calming. Then, use the relaxation techniques 1 or 2 above to achieve a state of relaxation. Bring the image to mind and tell yourself that “whenever I bring this image to mind I will enter a state of deep relaxation, as deeply relaxed as I am now, and deeper every time.” This will forge an association between the image and a deep state of relaxation.

Video – reducing sexual anxiety

Later, when you are in an anxiety-producing sexual situation, you can either use the relaxation techniques described in 1 and 2 above to reduce your anxiety, or you can bring to mind the image of the relaxing scene you developed in method 3. In all cases, you will relax, and your anxiety will significantly diminish. This will allow you to refocus on what you are feeling in your body, not on the anxious and worried thoughts in your mind.