Premature Ejaculation

I wanted to offer a few thoughts on premature ejaculation.

For obvious reasons, weak erection or chronic flaccidity assumes a decidedly overblown focus as men become older and physically weaker. While this is apparently not an issue with the vast majority of younger men, a similar disorder — that of premature ejaculation — seems to be just as urgently important.

When you think about it, is there a specifically compelling reason why premature ejaculation is currently at the center of this much scrutiny? The rapid exchange of information and facts in this digital era means that individuals who are aware of their options are no longer resigned to put up with a sex life that is less than rewarding. The widespread information surge about sexual matters that has occurred in these past twenty years is due to the unfettered availability of pornography online and the attendant decline of sexual hang-ups. This indicates that formerly taboo subject matters such as premature ejaculation are now more mainstream, a lot easier to deal with, and actually easier for people to talk about. But even now, just a few men try to get treatment.

Perhaps, it’s about self-image for men but the most recent medical studies reveal that a large number of men suffering from premature ejaculation problems actually refrained from seeking any form of remedy for their condition. For women, it represents a frustrating cessation of rhythm and connection during lovemaking. It’s not so much about the fact that a woman can’t achieve climax through conventional sex, because this is relatively rare in any case, but because lovemaking is cut short at the very stage when there is real sexual connection. The intimacy of the sexual union is abruptly severed before a woman has gained a sense of real connection with the man.

But, permanent remedies do exist – in fact, Masters and Johnson were talking about sexual psychotherapy and other treatments as early as the 1950s and 60s. And these clinical interventions – usually referred to as a “stop-start” technique and the “squeeze” technique – are very effective. The reason they aren’t as widely accepted (and used) as might be expected is because sexual partners don’t have the persistence to keep on using these methods. Partly this is because it’s a lot easier for a man to just let go and give in to the impulse to ejaculate at that stage. The man usually does this at the point of no return where he reaches ejaculatory inevitability during sexual intercourse.

As it is, we’re all aware how forceful and overwhelming the desire to release sperm is during sex. It’s the result of thousands of years of human evolution. The woman has to get pregnant for the species to survive, so the desire to ejaculate is a naturally instinctive reaction. But, like many basic instincts, men can muzzle it – by taking a decision to actually develop control of ejaculation. Yes, the desire to ejaculate can be overcome, marginalized, and subjugated for the bigger benefits of gaining stronger self-control during intercourse.

Controlling premature ejaculation is a more meaningful path to gain a greater level of masculine self-respect, positive self-image, and sexual satisfaction. But this obviously begs the question, is this somehow measurable? Anything that’s as intrinsic (as sex is) to man-and-woman relationships could hardly avoid being altered by cultural and social factors. Therefore, while several important findings have indicated that an average length of sexual intercourse is about 7 minutes, the duration considered as normal for intercourse in other cultures is significantly different.

Let’s look more closely and see how this works. How precisely do they measure length of time in sexual intercourse? It’s problematic, at the very least, that an ordinary stop watch needs to be used right in the middle of a most sensual interaction between a male and a female to monitor the actual time between penile entry and ejaculation. So what level of accuracy are we supposed to accept on results measured through a stop watch operated by a woman while the man makes love to her, unless she’s completely indifferent to what he’s doing? And if she’s indeed indifferent to to be able to measure the time correctly, does that imply that a man may not be especially concerned about controlling his own climax?

Assuming that a questionable procedure like this can produce some amount of accurate findings appears to be ludicrously optimistic. If, for the sake of argument we did accept seven minutes as the usual length of time for sexual intercourse (and 7 minutes is in fact longer than many studies have established as the median duration of intercourse), then how do we reconcile this with the fact that in the Middle East premature ejaculation is apparently viewed as a sign of manhood? This indicates that the estimated occurrence of premature ejaculation in these countries is, by definition, significantly lower than in, say, South America, where both men and women regard drawn-out intercourse as a sign of male strength.

Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist, is one of the top medical therapists who have done advanced research into premature ejaculation in his own sexual health facility in the Netherlands. He thinks that the real number of men in the population who are in fact affected by premature ejaculation is much lesser than findings from research paid for by big pharmaceutical corporations might lead us to believe. Dr. Waldinger’s methodology is to measure the time from penile entry to the moment of ejaculation. He believes that his procedure is the only objective indicator of whether a male suffers from premature ejaculation or not.

External factors like concerns about sexual satisfaction or a man’s own estimate of the degree of his own self-control are not part of Dr. Waldinger’s calculations. But many people would regard those factors as indispensably needed to defining premature ejaculation. Indeed, premature ejaculation has historically been explained in a manner that requires either the man or the woman to be experiencing emotional frustration as a consequence of the man’s inordinately fast ejaculation. The reasoning here is that even if a couple only gets to enjoy 30 seconds of lovemaking but both of them are satisfied and contented with this, then the male partner, based on the classical definition, has really no premature ejaculation problems .

Is this important? I’m fully convinced that it is important, for several reasons. First, it’s not only motivating but useful for males to have a benchmark against which to judge themselves as sexual partners. The absence of such information can often result in low self-esteem and uncertainty when a man has no reasonable estimate how he performs sexually in relation to other men.

Unless his friends are being truthful about their sexual performance and talking about it explicitly, he will have no idea whether a couple of minutes, five minutes or ten minutes is adequate. Let’s say he succeeds to make love for ten minutes but the woman doesn’t reach orgasm, he still won’t know if he’s achieving a superlative sexual performance or not.