One of the problems we men face in our society today is that many of us never learned how to please a woman in bed. The fact is, if we did, this would mean premature ejaculation was much less of a problem – men would know how to give a woman an orgasm, and women would get satisfaction.
The problem, of course, is the pernicious belief that men can bring a woman to orgasm by making love (during sexual intercourse, I mean). This idea is nonsense.
Few women know that only a minority of women (10% or so) come during intercourse – and apparently even fewer men know this.
I aim to put this right on this website, by offering tips, strategies, techniques and suggestions that will allow you to do all that is necessary to satisfy and fulfil your woman – both in and out of bed.
And here we come right up against the basic difference between men and women: men are fixers. We think that learning a few techniques and tricks will let us satisfy a woman without any difficulty.
But that’s a very male approach to a problem – find a solution and apply it.
When you as a man are making love with a woman, a more holistic approach is required, because women aren’t interested so much on fixing – or being fixed – as men are.
Women need to understand the whole dynamic around a situation, getting the intellectual, emotional, and even the spiritual, aspect of what’s going on. That’s something men don’t really get.
Women’s happiness comes from being truly appreciated and accepted on every level. One thing, however, that men and women have in common is the frustration we experience when sex is poor.
We can avoid that frustration by introducing men and women to deeper aspects of themselves, and in particular, by introducing men to a deeper understanding of how they are genetically programmed to want to satisfy and pleasure women in bed.
And women? Well, they may be genetically programmed to yield to a man’s sensual touch during sexual arousal and orgasm – but only when he is safe and trustworthy.
There is no easy way to manoeuvre one’s way through the exciting area of male and female sexual relationships, but good advice can go a long way towards men and women understanding each other better and finding a solution to these difficulties.
So with that in mind, here are five sex principles which can help you discover the best way to satisfy a woman in bed, and ensure that you both have a sex life which is rich and fulfilling.
1 Remember That a Woman’s Most Important Sex Organ Is Her Mind
Yes, of course it’s a cliche you’ve heard before, but it’s absolutely true.
A woman gets turned on first in her mind, and even though a hit to her clitoris can help her to become aware of her sexual desire, she’s not to connect with you on a physical level unless she’s connected with you on an emotional level first.
Connection comes on many levels – spiritual, physical, intellectual and emotional. One way to connect is by starting foreplay outside the bedroom – writing her an erotic poem, sending her sexy texts, or just simply looking at her in a way that conveys to her the inevitability of what you’re going to do to her – because you desire her so much.
Or maybe you can drop some hints which convey to her quite clearly what you want to do to her in bed – because you desire her so much!
However, do make sure that she trusts you, and that she knows her limits and boundaries are not going to be stretched (or broken). Because, when she feels safe with you, she’ll be thinking about you all day, and anticipating the experience of being pinned underneath you as you take her, expressing the full essence of your masculine power, later that night.
2 Keep in Mind, It’s Your Job As A Man To Lead In Bed
Some men find it uncomfortable to realize that one of the basic male roles in any sexual relationship is to lead the woman into her sexuality and to her orgasm.
To some extent this is because feminism has emasculated men, giving them an idea that somehow they are powerless or inferior, or that they need to defer to women.
And sure, there are areas where that’s true – women are more powerful than ever in the home and in the workplace, but there’s one place where the old sexual dynamic programmed into our genes needs to assert itself – in the bedroom.
When a woman is with a man she respects and trusts, and she needs and wishes to surrender to him, she can open out into her feminine receptivity.
Guys, if you’re not getting it yet, look at it this way: you need to take the lead because that’s your genetic programming, and she wants you to take the lead, because that’s her genetic programming.
Like it or not, there are significant areas of human sexuality which are genetically programmed. Sure, if you’re not used to these ideas, of course this can be frightening.
Many of us don’t know how to be real men these days, but practice makes perfect, and by gradually expressing deeper aspects of yourself, you will step more into who you are and feel more fulfilled, more satisfied, and indeed more masculine than you ever have before.
3 Women Need To Be Turned On
I’ve suspect that when you get into the bedroom, you’re still relying on the old dynamic which is something like this: a few minutes’ kissing, you’re turned on, you penetrate her, you ejaculate… And then what? Oh yes, the end of sex.
Now this isn’t going to satisfy any woman. And indeed it’s inconsiderate and boorish of you as a man to think that it would.
What you need to do is to turn your woman on. You can do this by teasing her and please her, to kiss her slowly, then tease her some more by moving your lips slowly up her thighs and then skirting around her pussy. You need to do this with firmness, conviction – and, perhaps confusingly for you, sensitivity as well.
But isn’t this the essence of being a man? Knowing how to seduce a woman, knowing how to please her, and doing it with firmness, doing it with tenderness, and doing it sensuously?
4 It Isn’t All about You
Again, perhaps these are words that go against the grain for many men. You see, these days a lot of young men are growing up watching porn of the most extreme and disgusting kind, porn which denigrates the very essence of masculinity and humiliates and destroys the real role of femininity in a relationship.
Abusive porn, disrespectful porn, exploitative porn – none of it does nobody any favors. And real life is not like that anyway – good sex which satisfies you is the result of two people connecting on many levels, none of which are a part of porn, where women are simply receptacles for men to ejaculate into or over – or, worse, object for men to abuse.
A great relationship comes from mutual respect and mutual understanding. Which means, for you as a man, understanding what it’s like to be in your male power and knowing that a woman wants to with a masculine man. You also need to know how to conduct yourself confidently in the bedroom.
One thing you can do right now that will improve your sex life dramatically is to make her pleasure – for which you can read her orgasm – your priority.
There are many reasons for this, not least of which is the fact that if you bring her to orgasm before you even think of entering her, when she comes she will be so aroused and so excited that she’ll be desperate to have you inside her.
And her vagina will be tumescent, warm and swollen, wet and ready to receive you, making sex feel better than you can possibly imagine. That way, not only will you please your woman in bed, but your woman will pleasure you.
5 Be Present
A lot of men live their lives in a disassociated state, removed from reality because of trauma they’ve experienced in the past.
But unfortunately if you’re in this state with a woman, not only does it separate you from the intimate experience of sex, it separates you from your connection with yourself. And none of this is good.
So how can you get round this?
You can be present.
OK, if you don’t know how to be present, it’s not going to be easy. But what it basically means is you get out of your head and into your body, so you feel and experience things as they truly are, both emotionally and in your body.
You love and laugh and live with her, alongside her, feeling connected to her.
And you can only do this truly and genuinely if you’re strong in yourself, so that you can’t be triggered by what she says or a look she gives you, or an attitude she expresses in her body language.
You need to be a strong man in your own right, mature enough to accept that the woman you’re with is going to resent you, be difficult with you, moody with you, and criticize you, even when she loves you more than anybody else in the world.
That’s the essence of being a man, of knowing how to please a woman in bed: being a rock against which she can crash when she feels emotional, knowing that you will not give way, that you will be solid, that you will in fact be exactly that – her rock.