How To Overcome Premature and Delayed Ejaculation
Men who happen to ejaculate quickly – which probably approximates to about 50% of the population – may feel shame and embarrassment caused by premature ejaculation can be a cause of great anxiety around sex.
After all, when we talk about the fear of sex, what we actually means is anxiety around sexual intercourse. This can be performance anxiety, or simply anxiety about the intimate connection with the woman.
Performance anxiety basically relates to a man’s ability to get an erection, maintain an erection for a sufficient duration to ensure satisfactory intercourse takes place, and to satisfy his woman, whatever that means in the context of the intimate sexual relationship. Unfortunately, for all to many men satisfying a woman means giving her an orgasm during intercourse.
There is a minority of women – probably around 10% – who can achieve orgasm through sustained sexual intercourse with the man is thrusting against the G spot. It is only these women who could justifiably be said to be deprived of orgasm through short-term intercourse and a man’s ejaculation.
However, what a woman is deprived of by delayed ejaculation is the satisfaction of intimate connection with her lover, prolonged intercourse and connection in the most fundamental way that a couple can achieve (mutual orgasm), and the subsequent pleasure of feeling bonded with her lover.
So the way to deal with this situation is a man to take great care of foreplay, to ensure that he gives his partner and orgasm through cunnilingus or manual stimulation before he enters her. Not that this overcomes another difficulty of delayed ejaculation, the long duration of intercourse – which can make intercourse an ordeal for the woman.
Lasting Longer In Bed
Apparently premature ejaculation is men’s most common sexual problem, more common than erectile dysfunction, and can affect men at any time in their lives. Three out of four men experience PE on a regular basis.
Around 20 to 30 percent of men commonly suffer from ejaculation problems. Research suggests that PE leaves a man with with feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment. Dr. McCullough goes on to say that men with lack of control over ejaculation tend to be less satisfied with sex and suffer more problems with sexual anxiety.
Men classified with probable premature ejaculation reported low satisfaction with sexual intercourse, discontent with sexual relationships and difficulty in becoming sexually aroused. These findings show up the negative impact of PE on quality of life and dating and sexual enjoyment.
Having said that, the definition of premature ejaculation allows for the fact that some couples’ sexual expectations are very different to others. Generally, however, you can say that a man suffers from premature ejaculation if he reaches his orgasm within two minutes of penetration.
But rapid ejaculation isn’t merely reflected in the difficulty of not achieving sexual pleasure for the woman: men who continually reach climax too quickly experience a sense of failure as a man which can affect their self- esteem.
Also, a lot of women who consistently have sex with a man who ejaculates too rapidly appear to be sexually frustrated and unfulfilled, even when they have orgasms by genital masturbation or cunnilingus.
Why? Women want the intimacy of making love to their man for as long as possible.
Lovemaking that lasts for so short a time will not satisfy most women. When you learn how to last longer in bed, you will feel better as a man, and your partner will respect you more as well.
But even though the rewards can be great, men may find it very difficult to cope with ejaculation problems.
Masturbation may be satisfying, but nothing beats a relationship with a real woman who can reciprocate love and affection. The second step in extending your staying power is learning to be relaxed during intercourse. The reality is that when your muscles are tense and your body is aroused – which you see in the form of shallow breathing and slight perspiration – you’re almost certainly going to ejaculate more quickly than you would if you were more relaxed.
One way that you can prove this to yourself is to make love in the man on top position and then to try sex with the woman on top. In the first case you’re much more tense, and you’re likely to ejaculate much more quickly.
And in fact it is actually possible to keep your body relaxed and slow down your breathing even if you happen to be experiencing the exhilaration of sexual intercourse.
What you should do is maintain a part of your mind aware of how tense you are and how deep your breathing is.
Every time you sense you’re getting tense, consciously relax your muscles; every time you notice your breathing is shallow, deliberately slow it down and take regular deep breaths. The two simple strategies will actually enable you to last much longer in bed.
The third step is to develop an awareness of how close you are to your ejaculation. I find many men who come for help with rapid ejaculation simply do not know how aroused they are during lovemaking, and often ejaculation takes them by surprise.
Obviously if you don’t know how near you are to your ejaculation you have no hope of controlling it. But if you’re aware how near you are to ejaculating, you can slow down the rhythm of sex to reduce your arousal and extend lovemaking.
When you’re aware how aroused you are, you can stop thrusting and allow your arousal to drop to a safe level.
So how can you make this happen? You should practice during masturbation: utilizing a good oil as lube – olive oil is good – set out to bring yourself near to the point of ejaculation, stopping before you get there, and maintaining a clear sense of awareness on how you feel when you become more turned on. When you begin, you may find that you tend to reach the point of ejaculation quite quickly; this is why self-discipline is necessary.
For a man with good control of his ejaculation, speeding up or slowing down his climax is all about the amount of stimulation he receives during foreplay and intercourse.
If he wants to come quickly, he will do those things that excite him the most: that might be thrusting in a particular way, adopting a particular sexual position, holding his partner in a particular way, or even engaging in a particularly arousing fantasy.
If he wants to extend the length of lovemaking and stop premature ejaculation, then he may find a way of thrusting that reduces the pressure on his penis, adopt a less arousing lovemaking position, not use any fantasies, or refrain from looking at his partner in the way that he finds most arousing… or anything else that helps him to keep his arousal below the point which will ejaculate.
Having good control of your ejaculation means staying in the level of sexual arousal below the point at which you are going to ejaculate. This area of sexual arousal is between the point where you begin to feel sexually excited and the point where you know you’re going to ejaculate. It’s a balance between sexual arousal and bodily tension on the one hand and self-control on the other.
You can only exercise self-control if you can keep your sexual arousal and muscular tension below the level at which you will ejaculate; by doing this repeatedly, you get more tolerance for sexual stimulation and therefore become better able to stop premature ejaculation.
For men who come too soon, anxiety and tension as well as arousal, are the enemies of self-control. A lot of men find it impossible to distinguish between sexual arousal, muscular tension, and even anxiety.
But in a way it doesn’t matter what makes you come quickly: you simply need to be aware of whatever it is in you that is increasing during your foreplay and lovemaking (call it passion, tension, or whatever you like), so that you can reduce it in whatever way helps you to stop your advance towards orgasm.
As an aside at this point it’s helpful to point out that ejaculation is not a reflex reaction is beyond your control; as a rough analogy, think of the way a child learns to control his need to pass water…
So the first step in developing control is to become aware of your arousal or tension level. For a lot of men this requires focus of attention on the general area of their penis and scrotum, or their pelvis, or wherever it is that they feel the change in sensation, in fullness, in tingling, in tightness, or whatever sensations they feel as they become more aroused.
And although your attention may wander during sex, as soon as you are aware of this, you can bring it back to the area which gives you the signal of how aroused you are: the more you do this, the easier it will become.
99% of men with PE are over-sensitive to sexual arousal. This means you ejaculate too soon because you don’t recognize that you’re going to ejaculate until just before it happens. The answer?
First, simple “training” exercises which reduce your sensitivity to sexual arousal, so you get all the pleasure without coming too soon. Second, learning how to recognize the sensations in your body which mean you’re going to ejaculate, so you can slow things down until you’re back in control.
Such exercises are an easy, quick, and fun way to stop premature ejaculation. Sure, you have to be committed to overcoming your “ejaculatory challenge”. This method of overcoming premature ejaculation is easy & simple! You can start off on your own or with a partner, but in either case, there’s nothing complicated, nothing difficult, nothing that requires hours of practice. And you can do all the exercises necessary to control PE while you enjoy partner-sex or solo pleasure.
What’s more, the exercises are great for bringing greater intimacy to your sex life. Whatever she says, it’s certain your partner wishes you knew how to stop premature ejaculation, and this way she can help you do just that.
How do these exercises work? Simple. You learn to last longer before you ejaculate by going up to the point of no return (the point where you have to ejaculate, come what may) and then backing off until things “calm down”, i.e. your arousal drops.
This means that you gradually learn to take more and more sexual stimulation without any danger of coming too soon. In a few weeks you’ll be able to last much longer in bed – as long as you want, in fact!
Imagine it – she’ll be looking at you with adoring, come-to-bed eyes – and you’ll be supremely confident as you lead her to the bed, knowing that you can really last longer in bed.