How To Deal With Delay To Your Ejaculation

Definition Of Delayed Ejaculation

In men, absence of ejaculation during sexual intercourse – or difficulty ejaculating – is called delayed ejaculation.

So what’s going on?

To answer this, we need to look at what happens when you reach orgasm.  Orgasm and ejaculation occur very close together. In fact, we usually think of them as the same thing. But the truth is, they are separate events, and they can occur independently of each other.

Ejaculation is the release of seminal fluid into the penis and its ejection from the body by means of strong muscular contractions, while orgasm is an intense mental and emotional experience marked by feelings of sexual pleasure and satisfaction.

But let’s assume that orgasm and ejaculation are more or less linked, and occur simultaneously. That makes it easier to come up with a useful, practical definition. And here it is:

Definition of delayed ejaculation

Repeated delay in achieving, or the complete failure to achieve, ejaculation, despite receiving the level of sexual stimulation which would normally trigger it, and where the man has no control over the timing of his ejaculation.

In other words, the problem is involuntary.  This problem with ejaculation can be lifelong or acquired. You might have had it for as long as you can remember, or it might have started later in life, because, for some mysterious and as yet unexplained, reason, you acquired it.  But an odd thing about delayed ejaculation (or DE for short) is that it doesn’t always happen every time a man has sex.

In this case, when it shows itself with one particular partner or in one particular situation, it’s called situational DE. But if it happens all the time, every time, it’s called “generalized” DE.

Other terms used to classify DE are “primary” and “secondary”.

Here’s what these terms mean: Primary is when a man can’t ejaculate during intercourse with a sexual partner, and has “never” been able to. Secondary is when he’s somehow lost his ability to ejaculate during sex, or is only able to do so from time to time. You can discover more about delayed ejaculation and a treatment program by clicking here.


More On The Definition Of Delayed Ejaculation

An orgasm is a powerful emotional and physical experience, whereas ejaculation, no matter how pleasant it may feel, is simply a reflex generated by the prolonged stimulation of particular nerves in the genital region.

After a man has ejaculated, he won’t be able to do so again before a certain amount of time, called the refractory period, has passed. But, if he knows how, he can reach orgasm again as many times as he likes with no delay…. it’s called male multiple orgasm. (Women can do it, too!) The sensations of orgasm vary a lot: they are certainly not all the same. Common factors include contraction of the body muscles, especially the pelvic muscles, elevated respiration, a higher heart rate, sweating, possibly a bodily flush, and a final phase of release of tension, possibly explosively, and generally accompanied by the  projection of semen out of the penis.

Multiple Orgasms For Men?

 Now, a bit of biology.  Both the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems control sexual activity. In order for a man to develop an erection, the smooth muscle fibers of the penis must relax so as to allow blood to flow into the corpora cavernosa. This process is the outcome of a complex interaction of vascular and neurological events governed by the activities of the parasympathetic nervous system.

However, orgasm and the ejaculatory reflex, and changes after these events in the body, are the product of the action of the sympathetic nervous system. Emission is the release of semen into the posterior urethra, and is controlled by the parasympathetic nervous system, while orgasm and ejaculation both fall under the auspices of the sympathetic nervous system.

A man’s orgasm involves three events: emission, ejaculation and orgasm. Ejaculation is clearly located in the genitals, while orgasm is an experience felt throughout the body.

There is an experience colloquially known as “numb come” (which doctors term anesthetic ejaculation) which illustrates how the two parts of a male sexual climax may be physiologically and psychologically separated.

It involves release of semen without any sense of orgasm, and is probably because of a lack of sexual arousal. Another indication of the separation of orgasm and release of semen is the fact that some men can enjoy multiple orgasms but not multiple ejaculations.

Frequency Of Problems With Slow Ejaculation

Well, limited data is available, but it looks like 14% of men have these challenges reaching ejaculation – whereas a massive 28% are “premature”. The definition of DE in DSM-IV is “a persistent or recurrent delay in orgasm or even a complete absence of orgasm after normal sexual stimulation that should have raised a person’s sexual arousal to a level adequate in focus, intensity, and duration.”

The difficulty of leaving such judgments to the clinical practitioner means that “normal” and “adequate in focus, intensity and duration” are not objectively defined and these criteria are notoriously subject to variation between couples anyway. 

It may be better to define delays or non-existent ejaculation as a condition where a man cannot ejaculate easily, or indeed at all, even when he has plenty of sexual stimulation, has an erection and wishes to achieve orgasm.

The effort of trying to get to orgasm and ejaculate may be fruitless and exhausting for both a man and his partner. This can apply to intercourse, masturbation and oral sex.

If a man has difficulty in all situations, regardless of what sexual activity he is enjoying, and with all his sexual partners, his DE is said to be “generalized“.  If he has this issue in only certain situations or specific sexual partners, his DE is defined as “situational” – for example, he may be unable to ejaculate within the vagina of his partner but can do so by masturbation, or he may be able to ejaculate during sex with a man but not with a female partner, and so on. This would include having problems with a particular partner at some times and not others.

 

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