Category Archives: premature ejaculation

Causes of Low Bedroom Endurance

What Causes A Man To Come Quickly?

If you’re a man struggling with premature ejaculation, you might be wondering what’s actually causing it.

Search the Internet, and you’ll quickly find lots of reasons put forward to explain the origin of poor male stamina, but while there is a lot of speculation, there aren’t many hard facts.

One thing we can say is that all cases of poor stamina and low endurance in the bedroom fall into one of two causes: psychological or emotional causes (aka psychogenic), and the physical causes (also known as organic).

To be quite honest, I think we can dismiss the physical causes of rapid ejaculation pretty quickly because although there’s been a lot of scientific research done on things like hypersensitivity of the penis, the truth is that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that rapid orgasm in men is caused by physical factors.

Video: The causes of premature ejaculation

To say that a man has a hypersensitive penis is fairly meaningless because it’s the brain that processes the nerve impulses from the penis. (Those nerve impulses cause a man’s sexual arousal to increase and they eventually trigger his ejaculatory reflex).

A man’s sexual arousal may rise too quickly, too high for him to contain his climax.

This is what happens to many men who experience poor staying power, low endurance and rapid ejaculation. But you can’t say this is happening because his penis is sending too many nerve impulses, or because the threshold of excitability of his nervous system is too low.

All you can say for certain is that his brain is causing him to get aroused too quickly and triggering his ejaculation reflex too soon!

Learn how to last longer in bed
Come on guys, don’t splash it about too soon!

(Although of course exactly what “too soon” means is another matter altogether. In evolutionary terms, rapid ejaculation is probably no bad thing; I mean, who wants to get killed by a predator when they are fucking! But nowadays it’s bad for the human female because she remains unsatisfied after intercourse.)

Even analyzing brain chemistry, and finding that men who ejaculate quickly have higher or lower levels of serotonin than men who do not means nothing.

What does masculinity mean for users of the Adonis Golden Ratio?

What does masculinity mean to you?

When a man is emotionally aroused – i.e. excited, nervous, angry, or feeling any other high level of emotion – his nervous system is already on high alert even before he starts receiving sexual stimulation.

It’s no wonder that in such a situation a man who is anxious or angry or even just very excited tips over the point of ejaculatory inevitability too quickly.

Masturbation Style May Be Important

You could perhaps argue, as some experts have done, that premature ejaculation is a behavioral or learned response, for example in response to furtive and rapid masturbation as an adolescent.

This suggests that a boy can “train” his body to respond far too quickly to sexual stimulation – and he goes on responding that way as a man……

Sure, this seems like a plausible argument. For some men.

But for most men, there is an emotional factor controlling a man’s ejaculation speed (at least in part).

So learning how to last longer, in other words, discovering how to increase sexual endurance and develop greater staying power means learning how to cope with receiving high level (or high-intensity) sexual stimulation without “popping” too soon.

And to be quite honest, that is one of the easiest things of all about learning ejaculatory control.

Sidebar: One of the problems here is that men sometimes think they can learn how to last longer in bed with a pill or potion, a herbal remedy or a delay cream. The truth is that none of those things actually work.

Video – how to deal with PE

premature-ejaculation (7)Enjoying Your Relationship

A large proportion of the pills and potions sold on the Internet contain no active ingredients of any kind whatsoever (shock horror!)…..

…. and even the ones which include anesthetic creams and lotions to spray onto the penis do not solve the root cause of the man’s rapid ejaculation.

For while anesthetic products may slow a man’s ejaculation down – although a lot of the men I’ve spoken to over the years tell me that this doesn’t happen anyway – the usual experience of men using such products is that they  feel absolutely nothing!

I mean, for the sake of a minute or two of extra intercourse, for such a slight increase in staying power, is it worth it?

Especially when you’ll most likely end up with a penis which is very sore and irritated because of the inflammation caused by the chemicals you’re putting on the most sensitive part of your body.

Psychological or emotional factors as a cause of rapid ejaculation

To start with, what I  mean by emotional or psychological factors are things like

  • anxiety about sex
  • anger towards your partner
  • a lack of confidence in bed
  • and perhaps shame or guilt about sex from childhood experiences
  • or furtive masturbation during adolescence!

These explain the majority of cases of PE.

Young men come quick! Their lack of staying power, their inability to last longer in bed, is almost certainly the result of a lack of endurance.

Most young men ejaculate rapidly when they begin to have sex because they’re so excited, they’re inexperienced, and they’re very nervous.

All of these things cause the nervous system to fire nerve impulses very rapidly; this plus high levels of sexual arousal, forms such a powerful force that the young man has little chance of controlling himself when he enters his partner.

I think most men will understand this!

premature-ejaculation (19)What’s perhaps harder to grasp is the fact that any high intensity emotion causes the nervous system to be primed and overactive even before you begin to make love.

That’s why even a little stimulation can make a man lose control of his ejaculation and give the impression he has not staying power. With PE he shoots his load too quickly. He’s just getting too aroused, too quickly.

So what’s the difference between men who have good control of their ejaculatory responses and men who cannot last long enough in bed?

I suspect that men who know how to last longer in bed don’t have many hangups or inhibitions about sex. They’re confident in their own sexuality, they’re confident with women, and they have a real sense of being in control during lovemaking.

And the good news is any man – YOU – can learn to increase stamina and increase staying power so you can control the physical response of your body to sexual stimulation.

You can develop ways to make your sexual arousal increase more slowly and stay below the point at which you will inevitably ejaculate.

You can learn to be confident during sex, simply by learning the techniques that allow you to pleasure your partner successfully.

You can learn not to get so turned on during intercourse by using masturbation exercises to train your body to slow down its response to stimulation.

For example, by pausing when you get near the point of coming, and repeating this several times a session, several times a week, for several weeks,with a clear intention to slow down your sexual responses, you will quickly develop much greater staying power and much greater endurance in bed. This means you have the ability to stay below the point of ejaculatory inevitability (which is colloquially known as the point of no return).

Some men with PE don’t actually know they’re going to ejaculate until moments before it happens.

This lack of awareness is because they’re not tuned into their body and the sensations that it’s giving them.

One of the reasons for this is that they’ve never learned to pay attention to their body during sex – their focus is somewhere else. Perhaps on taxes or baseball, trying to distract themselves from the mounting sense of losing control yet again!

Premature Ejaculation

I wanted to offer a few thoughts on premature ejaculation.

For obvious reasons, weak erection or chronic flaccidity assumes a decidedly overblown focus as men become older and physically weaker. While this is apparently not an issue with the vast majority of younger men, a similar disorder — that of premature ejaculation — seems to be just as urgently important.

When you think about it, is there a specifically compelling reason why premature ejaculation is currently at the center of this much scrutiny? The rapid exchange of information and facts in this digital era means that individuals who are aware of their options are no longer resigned to put up with a sex life that is less than rewarding. The widespread information surge about sexual matters that has occurred in these past twenty years is due to the unfettered availability of pornography online and the attendant decline of sexual hang-ups. This indicates that formerly taboo subject matters such as premature ejaculation are now more mainstream, a lot easier to deal with, and actually easier for people to talk about. But even now, just a few men try to get treatment.

Perhaps, it’s about self-image for men but the most recent medical studies reveal that a large number of men suffering from premature ejaculation problems actually refrained from seeking any form of remedy for their condition. For women, it represents a frustrating cessation of rhythm and connection during lovemaking. It’s not so much about the fact that a woman can’t achieve climax through conventional sex, because this is relatively rare in any case, but because lovemaking is cut short at the very stage when there is real sexual connection. The intimacy of the sexual union is abruptly severed before a woman has gained a sense of real connection with the man.

But, permanent remedies do exist – in fact, Masters and Johnson were talking about sexual psychotherapy and other treatments as early as the 1950s and 60s. And these clinical interventions – usually referred to as a “stop-start” technique and the “squeeze” technique – are very effective. The reason they aren’t as widely accepted (and used) as might be expected is because sexual partners don’t have the persistence to keep on using these methods. Partly this is because it’s a lot easier for a man to just let go and give in to the impulse to ejaculate at that stage. The man usually does this at the point of no return where he reaches ejaculatory inevitability during sexual intercourse.

As it is, we’re all aware how forceful and overwhelming the desire to release sperm is during sex. It’s the result of thousands of years of human evolution. The woman has to get pregnant for the species to survive, so the desire to ejaculate is a naturally instinctive reaction. But, like many basic instincts, men can muzzle it – by taking a decision to actually develop control of ejaculation. Yes, the desire to ejaculate can be overcome, marginalized, and subjugated for the bigger benefits of gaining stronger self-control during intercourse.

Controlling premature ejaculation is a more meaningful path to gain a greater level of masculine self-respect, positive self-image, and sexual satisfaction. But this obviously begs the question, is this somehow measurable? Anything that’s as intrinsic (as sex is) to man-and-woman relationships could hardly avoid being altered by cultural and social factors. Therefore, while several important findings have indicated that an average length of sexual intercourse is about 7 minutes, the duration considered as normal for intercourse in other cultures is significantly different.

Let’s look more closely and see how this works. How precisely do they measure length of time in sexual intercourse? It’s problematic, at the very least, that an ordinary stop watch needs to be used right in the middle of a most sensual interaction between a male and a female to monitor the actual time between penile entry and ejaculation. So what level of accuracy are we supposed to accept on results measured through a stop watch operated by a woman while the man makes love to her, unless she’s completely indifferent to what he’s doing? And if she’s indeed indifferent to to be able to measure the time correctly, does that imply that a man may not be especially concerned about controlling his own climax?

Assuming that a questionable procedure like this can produce some amount of accurate findings appears to be ludicrously optimistic. If, for the sake of argument we did accept seven minutes as the usual length of time for sexual intercourse (and 7 minutes is in fact longer than many studies have established as the median duration of intercourse), then how do we reconcile this with the fact that in the Middle East premature ejaculation is apparently viewed as a sign of manhood? This indicates that the estimated occurrence of premature ejaculation in these countries is, by definition, significantly lower than in, say, South America, where both men and women regard drawn-out intercourse as a sign of male strength.

Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist, is one of the top medical therapists who have done advanced research into premature ejaculation in his own sexual health facility in the Netherlands. He thinks that the real number of men in the population who are in fact affected by premature ejaculation is much lesser than findings from research paid for by big pharmaceutical corporations might lead us to believe. Dr. Waldinger’s methodology is to measure the time from penile entry to the moment of ejaculation. He believes that his procedure is the only objective indicator of whether a male suffers from premature ejaculation or not.

External factors like concerns about sexual satisfaction or a man’s own estimate of the degree of his own self-control are not part of Dr. Waldinger’s calculations. But many people would regard those factors as indispensably needed to defining premature ejaculation. Indeed, premature ejaculation has historically been explained in a manner that requires either the man or the woman to be experiencing emotional frustration as a consequence of the man’s inordinately fast ejaculation. The reasoning here is that even if a couple only gets to enjoy 30 seconds of lovemaking but both of them are satisfied and contented with this, then the male partner, based on the classical definition, has really no premature ejaculation problems .

Is this important? I’m fully convinced that it is important, for several reasons. First, it’s not only motivating but useful for males to have a benchmark against which to judge themselves as sexual partners. The absence of such information can often result in low self-esteem and uncertainty when a man has no reasonable estimate how he performs sexually in relation to other men.

Unless his friends are being truthful about their sexual performance and talking about it explicitly, he will have no idea whether a couple of minutes, five minutes or ten minutes is adequate. Let’s say he succeeds to make love for ten minutes but the woman doesn’t reach orgasm, he still won’t know if he’s achieving a superlative sexual performance or not.