Category Archives: greater staying power for you

The Bedroom Stamina You Want!

A Solution For Rapid Ejaculators!

Start by masturbating, in the presence of your partner.

Indeed, your partner can masturbate you if she is willing to participate in the therapy.

Desensitization for premature ejaculation
Desensitization treatment is an effective way of developing more bedroom stamina. 

If she is pleasuring you, you will need to indicate to her when you are approaching the point of no return.

But whether it is you or her doing it, close your eyes and focus on your experience so that you don’t experience a rapid ejaculation.

Stop before you get too aroused.

When you feel that your progress towards orgasm and ejaculation has leveled off and your level of arousal has diminished, you can start to apply stimulation once again.

Repeat the sequence of stimulation to below the point of no return and then stopping stimulation three times, each time pausing for a minute or longer so that your arousal drops and you are in no “danger” of ejaculating before you start stimulating yourself again.

On the fourth cycle, continue till you reach climax, making sure you observe the sensations in your body so that you learn to identify the feelings associated with an impending ejaculation.

Over the next two weeks, repeat this exercise at least three times, either with your partner or alone.

If you apply some clear effort and intention to this, you should find that you can control your ejaculation and your stamina increases quite quickly. You may find you can last a lot longer in bed quite easily.

The next step is to control the rate at which you move towards climax.

By varying the degree of self-stimulation you will find that you can easily control this, and you can develop tolerance of much greater stimulation before ejaculation becomes inevitable.

This new found control will form the basis of your ability to control premature ejaculation and last longer during intercourse.

You will probably develop the ability to keep yourself on the verge of climax for prolonged periods quite quickly.

Practice this regularly over the next three weeks to reinforce this skill.

Continued below the video.

Sidebar: Video on premature ejaculation

The next step is to stimulate your penis in a way that feels like you are making love to your partner, while still maintaining this level of control.

You can do this by using a lubricant and getting your partner to stimulate you using her cupped hand around the shaft and head of your penis.

Although it maybe much more sensuous, by following the same routine as described above, you will again quickly develop a level of control over your ejaculation far greater than you had before.

The next step is to enjoy entering your partner while still maintaining control over your arousal.

This is done while you lie on your back and your partner goes on top. You may work up gradually to full intercourse, perhaps starting by gently rubbing your bodies together or by just enjoying lovemaking with shallow penetration…. that should help you last longer in bed. lovemaking.

Greater Control and Endurance 

At all times, the objective is to remain in control of your arousal: if it begins to increase too rapidly, focus on your bodily sensations or withdraw from your partner altogether until (1) you are less aroused  and (2) you feel you have your arousal and level of sexual excitement back under control.

Once you are making love, move inside your partner gently or ask her to move on you in a gentle way so that you do not become too stimulated.

If your arousal begins to shoot up,  stop moving or withdraw form her vagina until your arousal is back under control.

This process should enable you to counter premature ejaculation and learn how to enjoy intimacy for longer periods before you feel the urge to ejaculate.

After practicing for six months, one man who worked with me on learning to last for longer periods during intercourse increased his control from two minutes to last for sixteen minutes.

Another man, who had been able to last for ten minutes now lasted, so he said, on average twenty minutes.

So, I’d conclude that if you are motivated and determined to control your premature ejaculation, you can do so without too much difficulty.

from-delayed-ejaculation-folder (9)longer lasting sex

Both men and women may like longer lasting sex!

“No! I just can’t last any longer!”

If you’re a man and you think “No, it isn’t like that, I don’t have any control”, ask yourself if you have ever fantasized about giving a woman a wonderful orgasm as you were totally dominating her!

Yes? We men are – at least to some extent – culturally conditioned to think of ourselves as responsible for a woman’s pleasure.

So how’s the poor guy with premature ejaculation going to get out of this trap?

Answer: she takes responsibility for her own pleasure by consciously asking him to satisfy her, or by doing it herself…. and he stops feeling he has to please her.

Now, just for a moment let’s go back to a couple where the woman loves reaching her climax by means of foreplay and he gets his pleasure from reaching orgasm while he’s inside her, even if that happens quite quickly.

Fitness equal sexual success?
Is sex a mutually rewarding experience for you?

Great for some couples, I have no doubt.

But….some women could achieve climax if their man had enough staying power (i.e he could last and last before he came….).

And to make a woman come like this often takes fifteen or twenty minutes of lovemaking, and a fairly vigorous level of sexual activity, so the reality is most men enjoy their climax long before the woman gets to hers.

So does this mean the man’s at fault if she could come during intercourse but doesn’t make it to orgasm?

If you think the man has a natural role to play in intercourse – satisfying a woman – then I suppose he is, even if by any other standard he’s a pretty good lover.

One answer for a couple like this is to get some training in Tantric techniques, so they can work towards the pleasures of long lasting sex.

But for most couples Tantra is irrelevant.

Rapid ejaculation is a problem mostly for men who lack confidence and for men whose self-esteem is not supported by their relationship.

For them, the solution might involve finding ways to feel good about themselves, developing greater self-confidence, and using a treatment program supported by each other.

Sometimes one or other partner sabotages the program (“It’s boring”; “It just doesn’t work”; “It takes too much time”; and so on).

When that happens, I always wonder if they really want to change or if it’s less risky to be stuck where they are, feeling the same old feelings, and reinforcing how each of them feels about themselves and each other.

The Power Of Youth –  Long May It Last!

Horny young men don't last long in bed
Young men may not last long because they are always horny in bed.

Lastly, though, there’s the young man, horny as heck and very sexually inexperienced, who has premature ejaculation just because he’s getting his girl and it thrills him!

This is the curse of youth, though it’s compensated for by his ability to carry on making love for longer only a few minutes later as though nothing’s happened!

For this man, the answer is greater lovemaking experience and a steady partner who loves him, and who can help him learn and grow as a lover.

Finally, remember, a man worrying about his ejaculation may be missing the fact that it’s not really that much of a problem for his partner: which means he’s not listening to her.

He’s living with his own fears and doubts…. and with his own beliefs about what his partner wants, which he’s not checking out with her.

So have some hope, whether you are a man who ejaculates too soon or a woman in love with such a guy.

Premature ejaculation can be stopped – but doing so may involve taking a long, hard look at yourself and your relationship.

Understanding A Lack Of Stamina In Bed

The best way to enjoy lovemaking – focused attention!

Men learn to get aroused by using pornography, where the focus is obviously external to themselves.

And often porn is so arousing that they don’t have any hope of controlling their sexual responses anyway. I’m not sure whether this is a factor in limited bedroom stamina, but I think there might be something in it.

What I do know to be true is the fact that during sex you actually have to pay attention to what’s happening between you and your partner, keeping your focus on how you feel and on how she’s responding to what you’re doing to her.

When you’re “in the moment” like this, sensing everything that is happening, you are much more aware of how aroused you are.

This means you have a much greater chance of being able to control your level of arousal – and hence your staying power – by changing what you’re doing with your partner – e.g. switching to something that actually turns you on less, until your arousal has leveled off, and you can continue without danger of ejaculating unexpectedly.

Now, suppose that you have a high level of resentment, frustration, or stress in your relationship: it makes sense that if you try making love it’s not going to be as successful as it would be if you were feeling emotionally close and intimate with your partner.

For one thing, you’re already feeling emotionally aroused and, as we’ve seen above, that will affect your sexual responses.

And for another, who would actually want to be making love to somebody with whom they feel angry? Doesn’t it follow that you might just come quite quickly because subconsciously you simply want the experience to be over with? (Could this be why so many men lack endurance in the bedroom?)

I suspect the same is true of men who have a deep-seated conflict with women or a deep-seated lack of trust in women – and I can tell you, once again from years of experience with hundreds of men, that those two things are extremely common.

There’s another factor at work here, which is the widespread belief that men should be able to have sex with any woman who seems to be willing. The truth is, as I learned when I used to run an advice line for adolescents, that the body never lies.

Young men who were not confident about sex, or who were not ready to have intercourse, or who had been seduced into sexual situations by an older partner when they really didn’t want to make love, all found that their erections would mysteriously disappear, even though they were turned on, at the point where intercourse is about to start.

I mean, the truth is this: they didn’t have the staying power or the ability to last longer in the bedroom because they didn’t want to be there… in short, they didn’t want to be having sex with the person concerned, and their penis made it impossible for it to happen.

I rather suspect the same thing happens to men later in life, but the way in which the mind makes its true feelings clear is by causing premature ejaculation. Then we seek an explanation for what looks like a lack of bedroom stamina and staying power. We go on a search for ways to increase staying power. For techniques which will show us how to last longer in bed….. and they may not work!

And finally of course there’s good old sexual performance anxiety, from which we’ve all suffered at times. The sexual pressure on men is considerable. Not just to go to bed with any willing woman, but also to take her to orgasm, to be responsible for her orgasm in fact, to last long enough in bed, and to show that they are sexually competent in every way.

No wonder men get anxious about sex! With that weight of responsibility on their shoulders who wouldn’t?

And anxiety from all these things can stimulate a man’s level of sexual arousal to the point where the threat to self-esteem if he gets it wrong is so great that he just feels anxious about making love.

Feeling anxious will cause a rapid ejaculation, which then reinforces his self-doubt and anxiety, setting up a vicious circle of negative expectation and quick ejaculation which can be quite hard to break – unless you have the right techniques and tools at your disposal.

A similar cause of anxiety is the worry about being able to satisfy a sexual partner. One of the ways that this can be dealt with is to give her an orgasm through oral pleasure or masturbation before intercourse begins.

Needless to say anything anything else that causes anxiety about sex, be it fear of sexually transmitted infections, fear of getting a woman pregnant, fear of losing your erection, and a million other things, can also cause rapid ejaculation – or at least they can be factors in its genesis.

Delayed Ejaculation Is Not To Be Tolerated

An important point that has to be emphasized is that orgasm or the feeling of reaching a release during sex is a cerebral event – it all happens happens in your brain, notwithstanding the overwhelming bodily sensations that are associated with it. When men and their partners try to focus on the concept of delayed ejaculation, the tendency is to wrongly equate these 2 distinctive occurrences with each other. Contrary to popular perceptions, orgasm and ejaculation are two entirely separate functions!

In direct contrast, ejaculation is a reflex reaction which is triggered by repetitive stimulation to the male organ and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. Science has not yet identified the exact spot sexual orgasm occurs inside the brain, but much is known about the neural mechanisms through which the physical reaction of ejaculation is triggered.

There are competing viewpoints but one suggestion is that when erotic pleasure gets to a near-climactic point, the emission of ejaculatory fluids into the farthest point of the your urethra increases the pressure at the root of the erect organ, and this unleashes a an entire set of physical responses which includes flexing of the pubococcygeal muscle.

The involuntary nervous system is at full play as far as ejaculation is concerned, while gradually heightening erotic pleasure during sex is confined to the voluntary nervous mechanism.

As it is, medical professional have long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and the terminologies commonly used to refer to this condition most likely represents in some part, the scientific community’s evolving attitude to this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.

From my perspective, I’m inclined to believe that these changing names illustrate a gradually increasing level of respect for the men who are having relationship issues with their partners owing to their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.

As you may know, many of delayed ejaculation sufferers are able to climax regularly from masturbation. This fact has given rise to the belief that there might be some relationship issues that correlate with the inability to reach orgasm and ejaculate in the course of engaging in sex. Naturally, one must exercise an ample dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation that lies in the dynamics between sexual partners.

It’s highly likely that a man’s apparent inability to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, could only mean that there’s nothing in these activities that can compare to the heightened degree of stimulation that an individual may be accustomed to perform on his own penis while masturbating and imagining sex.

We know that the body can be trained to respond to these high level or style of stimulation, so it’s always wise to initially find out whether or not the delayed ejaculation condition can be attributed to the fact that the man by himself, can perform hard, firm, or high-frequency pressure during self stimulation, in a fashion that is not mirrored during actual sex with another person.

There’s reason to believe that if this is the crux of the aberration, the cure will lie in reconditioning the body, the penis and the brain, to react to much more gentle stimulation that can ultimately result to an orgasm in the course of sexual intercourse.

Needless to say, therapists and counsellors more often than not, take the view that the dynamics between the partners is the real cause of the problem.

Quite frankly, there’s sufficient basis for this assumption. I have come across numerous partners where a slowly rising attitude of hostility has reduced intimacy to such a degree that the male no longer finds enjoyment in sex, and secretly dislikes the routine, whilst simultaneously finding himself unable to convey to his partner in a way that might pave a route to the resolution of these difficulties.

And even if there isn’t resentment, anger, or any other negative feelings on the part of the male towards the woman, there is, as some studies show, a specific type of personality which is prone to delayed ejaculation.

According to the most current scientific publications, this individual type is most certainly a person who is somehow detached from his own process of sexual arousal, who is often unable to realize just how aroused he is when indulging in any sexual activity, who often considers sexual activity as a duty for which he is responsible, who considers his partner’s gratification during sexual intercourse as a basic obligation, and who believes that her pleasure must be considered first and is the priority during sex. These persons often, whether expressed or not, regard themselves as the “workhorse of sex”, labouring away (sometimes to no avail) to bring the sexual intercourse to a satisfying climax.

An important observation in this kind of set-up is that the majority of the partners of men suffering from this anomaly are often somewhat passive when it comes to sex, and have an expectation that the male is implicitly obligated to bring them sexual gratification. The truth is, they are of course responsible for their personal orgasm. In instances like this, it’s absolutely advantageous to help and re-educate a couple and make available some useful sexual information. Coached in such a way, the couple’s expectations and beliefs about sex and sexual pleasure can be now closely aligned with reality.

Furthermore, it is noticeable that men who have this type of personality profile generally lack solid grasp of their own level of arousal. Often there appears to be a certain gap, or even a void, in their sexual experience, in such a way that they have rendered dependent their own mechanism of sexual arousal with the external process of engaging in intercourse with a partner.

What I mean by this is that their own erotic world somehow doesn’t serve as a watershed of sexual arousal and gratification: they are left in a frustrating cloud of sexual confusion in which they propose to have sex with a partner without all the basic emotional and physical tools that are necessary for it to be an enjoyable and mutually satisfying experience.