First, avoid any stimulants, especially drugs or alcohol.
You don’t keep a clear head when you are using these mind altering substances, and they certainly won’t help you to last longer during sex.
Next, pay attention to what is going on in your whole body, rather than just in your penis and balls.
Although men get much of the pleasure of sex from their genitals, there is also sexual sensation to be enjoyed in the rest of the body, and the more you focus on it, the better it will be.
As you enjoy the mounting arousal which comes with foreplay, sex play, intercourse or mutual masturbation, you may notice that your body is getting more and more tense.
And will cause your progress towards orgasm to speed up. This will mean you do not last as long as you could with greater stamina.
The body releases muscular tension through orgasm and ejaculation, and the more tense you are, the more likely you are to reach orgasm faster.
Therefore, maintaining a relaxed body and mind can greatly assist in slowing your progress towards orgasm, increasing your staying power and helping you to last longer in bed.
One way to do this is not to thrust actively with your buttocks and pelvic muscles. Instead, try keeping them relaxed and swinging your hips in a loose movement backwards and forwards.
Video: Laci Green On “2 Minute Sex”!
Lasting In Bed Is An Art, Not A Science
And another way to ensure that you remain comparatively relaxed is to breathe deeply and slowly.
When your breathing is shallow, you will certainly find that your body is more tense and your progress toward orgasm is faster.
Deep breathing dispels the tension and slows down the rate at which you move toward orgasm.
In fact, if you allow your body to do what comes naturally, then you will find that your breathing slows and deepens during sex.
But our natural response to this change is to resist it, simply because we like to pursue the mounting sexual pleasure, which as you may recall from above, is in large part due to the mounting tension in the muscles of our bodies……and this, as I have said, is reinforced by shallow and faster breathing.
You can hopefully see how staying relaxed and breathing slowly and deeply can help you to maintain more control over rapid ejaculation, increase your longevity in bed and develop more staying power and enjoy sex!
Video: Premature Ejaculation Control
Next, something that may seem obvious – and at the same time difficult to achieve.
That is, learning to take as much stimulation to your penis as your partner can give you without coming until you want to do so!
Impossible? Well, not really.
Think how long you last when you control the progress you make towards orgasm during masturbation sessions. You have no shortage of stamina or staying power then, and you can choose how much endurance you display. You can choose, if you wish, to last longer before you come (or “cum”) by stopping your self-stimulation for a while as you enjoy masturbation.
Why not adapt this to sex with a partner?
That’s the only difference: in one situation you are on your own, and in the other you are not!
Admittedly, with a partner there may be more stimulation than when you are on your own (having someone else’s hand wank you is more exciting than doing it yourself, after all), but in essence the process is the same.
Accept “dry handed” stimulation until you know you are going to ejaculate, then stop and wait until your arousal has died down.
Then have your partner recommence stimulation and keep going until you once again feel you are about to ejaculate.
And so on…. by a process of constant repetition several times a week over a period of a few weeks, you will rapidly develop the ability to last longer during sexual stimulation, be able to accept greater stimulation, and ultimately have more stamina and staying power – which means more ejaculatory control.
Continuing To Improve Stamina And Extend The Length Of Lovemaking
The next stage in learning to last longer in bed is to make the stimulation feel more like penetrative sex: in other words, to use a lubricant (massage oil being a good one) to make the whole process more slippery and possibly arousing.
The process is the same as above but you will probably need to adjust the point at which you stop the stimulation, so that you don’t ejaculate.
The way to cope with this process is to use slow and steady stroking until you get to your point of no return (your point of ejaculatory inevitability).
Gradually increase the stimulation, each time you find that you can cope without ejaculating unexpectedly. After all, the basis of this method is self-awareness.
Your partner can start by masturbating you to the point of no return, but it is up to you to have the self-control to tell her when to stop!
Keep going at this until you feel you have made some progress in controlling your ejaculation.
It probably won’t surprise you to learn that the next step of the process of learning how to last longer in bed and develop greater stamina and staying power is to step up the stimulation by using the same system of stop-start stimulation while you enjoy oral sex.
Most men find this almost as arousing as vaginal intercourse. Which means it is a good way of improving stamina in bed. However, if you happen to be a man who does not find fellatio as arousing as masturbation, say, then please adapt the process so that the different methods of stimulation you receive from your partner are gradually more exciting to you.
It is the gradual change in stimulation which makes this an effective way to develop more ejaculation control.
Needless to say, the final stage of the process is to do something similar while you enjoy penetrative intercourse. For most men this is more exciting than just about anything else.
So start slowly, and when you feel you are approaching your point of ejaculatory inevitability, but you are still some way off, reduce the stimulation you are getting. That way you can improve stamina and endurance.
For example, thrust more slowly, more shallowly, or stop thrusting altogether. In extreme cases, withdraw. For as long as may be necessary.
Your partner may object, because she is enjoying it, so you have to be firm here.
See if she wants to switch to fellatio for a while if this is less exciting to you.
Or see if you can give her cunnilingus – anything, but don’t continue the stimulation that is likely to make you ejaculate!
That defeats the whole purpose of trying to last longer in bed.
Video – Stop Start Method
However, you may also use the so-called squeeze technique, which means that she will squeeze his penis fairly hard when he gets to his point of ejaculatory inevitability.
This is very slightly painful, or uncomfortable, and the effect is not only to reduce his arousal but to cause his erection to soften slightly. It certainly reduces his arousal, and so allows him to accept more stimulation before he ejaculates.
Repeated over time, it is said to have a good effect on a man’s staying power.
This should be an effective way of learning greater self-control but whether you wish to incorporate the squeeze technique is another matter.
With determination, the method is just as effective without it.
Some more ideas which may help you to last longer.
Long Lasting Sex Positions
The sexual position you use during intercourse may have a significant effect on your stamina and staying power – and also, therefore, the speed with which you ejaculate.
Man on top or missionary sex will increase the level of tension in your body and certainly make you ejaculate faster.
Although the position is rewarding and produces great feelings, it may help your staying power if you try sex in either the side by side orientation or the woman on top position.
Both woman top and side by side sex positions offer the chance of greater staying power and more ejaculatory control and can help a man last longer in bed.
Release tension by making a lot of noise during sex. You may be surprised to find that making a lot of noise during sex can release tension and so prolong your progress towards orgasm – unless, of course, you happen to find sexy talk even more arousing…..but the noise we refer to here is more about groans, moans and sighs, rather than words such as “Oh yes, fuck me, harder, harder, harder!”
Don’t blame yourself when things go wrong and you ejaculate too soon. This will happen from time to time as you learn to improve your stamina and increase your bedroom endurance and ejaculatory control, and it doesn’t matter. What you want to achieve is steady forward progress.
Penis desensitizing creams maybe helpful. It’s hard to know how long they will make you last until you have tried them.
But they are worth trying; if they don’t work for you, abandon them and try something else. Tips for using them: put them on half an hour before sex, then wash off the cream before you have intercourse.
Make sure you satisfy your partner. By focusing on your partner, rather than yourself, you may find that you develop greater staying power.
Certainly, an obsessive self-monitoring can lead to faster ejaculations and an apparent decrease in ejaculatory latency times, because if you create more anxiety by constantly checking to see how aroused you are getting.
Spread your attention to her whole body, and enjoy the reciprocal sense of touch, mutual massage, kissing and fondling.
Make sex a complete experience. You may be surprised to learn that you can have a hard erection but not be especially aroused. The question is: are you ready mentally for intercourse? This means: high arousal, low anxiety, greater self-control. Extend the duration, improve your endurance…. last, last, last!
And a good way to get highly aroused is to spread out foreplay so that sex lasts much longer.
You may even find that there is room for two ejaculations in one long session of sex – and you may also find that you can last much longer during your second bout of sex than your first.
This isn’t just the preserve of young men with high testosterone – given enough arousal, most men can find a way to get hard a second time and then have the luxury of a longer, slower, more gentle approach to orgasm, which gives the impression of being able to last longer and having more staying power in the bedroom.
Spending time getting your partner aroused is well worth while, because it takes attention off you, and nothing is more arousing for a man than seeing an aroused woman enjoying sex!
Learn how to be a great lover. There is no shortage of websites where you can learn about good sexual techniques.